Who's fault is it? How do I improve?

Question

From age of 13 onwards, I avoided normal boys in my school since I wanted that they respect me. I left interaction
with normal guys since they listened to some other influential guys. I didn't join this large group in my class since
I hate to obey these influential guys or boot lick.
Let me tell you I myself was very good @ studies and very jolly person. you can call me influential also.
I was left out with the remaining lot of boys who used to sit separated from all others and were quiet and simple.
These guys who I assumed as friends were not active in anything nor studies nor sports.
I behaved as a very good guy, who never does anything bad and is very austere. I left out much of enjoyment since
I believed work is more important that any other thing.
I behaved almost like a saint, people used to know this and laugh at me. I never bunged on my very strict principles.
I used to think what all other guys do (diplomacy) is not the correct thing and it is sign of the weak. So I used to
stand against everyone and believe in myself no matter what.
I used to think that even girls are comprosing on their values and thus avoided them. I could not unserstand the
diplomacy they used also I had not dealt with real world outside since I had strict routine school, tutions and howework
and fun @ my home.
I looked up to my father who behaved in this way. He behaves like a saint does PUJA for 2hours everyday and will not
have his lunch before PUJA no matter what. He does not talk much anywhere and behaves austerely, never does
anything bad and is good to people no matter what.
He is very strict in dealing with me, he had beaten me badly when I had invited girls @ home for lunch @ age of 13.
He just used to beat me badly if I didn't obey him ALWAYS.
I could never understand him till date since he never talks and followd him blindly. He behaves like he is out
of this world. The business my grandfather had set very well and the care that my grandmother took on home front left
my father to follow what he believed. In that he married my mother from smalll town who is navie enough to only
eat and sleep and obey all my father and grandmother says.
I dont know why I did this, although let me tell you that I had abused childhood where no one cared for me, I was in
a group of elder guys and people @ home never care about these things.
I never ever belived even though my fathers principles were not working for me in my life I was just glued to them
no matter what failures I suffered.
Slowly all these took toll on me, till age of 16 the problem grew worse I couldn't deal with people beacause of their
abusive talk. Although I knew I can answer them well I avoided it since it was against my principles and may be
beacause I am very emotional person. I am most affected by words than by any other thing.
Till the age of 18 when guys are outgoing and interact with girls and other people I behaved like a introvert,
other problems like lack of resources (good clothes, cycle etc) added to this.
My father could afford these very well (he spent money like anything on charity) but he belived that I am supposed
to do without it. At I could hardly talk to boys and girls.
My failures to get highest grades in school and college just lead to loss of confidence. I had good marks in school
but i wanted to be the best
Then I joined my all time dream since childhood, engineering were I failed like hell due to lack of touch with reality
although I completed it with first class I ended up in very low profile job since I didnt simply knew how to deal
with world.
I spent 4 years of my life working for others following my principles.
I have realized all this only after I stepped out of my home 2 years back.
Lately I loved a girl very much but due to my immaturity I lost her friendship also that too in a very foolish way.
I was too excited in dealing with her and left anxious when she avoided me. Finally I told her I like her when she
hardly knew me.
I have paid very heavily for following these bogus priciples in term of loss of my enjoyable teenage, my degree,
my job and my love.
I want to improve but I cannot deal with people since I know if I come out with myself I am still a small boy inside
people feel amused when they deal with me. I cannot act maturely with guys and girls and I am still loosing out on
everything good. I am 28, earning good salary but I have nothing with me.
I have lost all small small joys of teenage I never had group of girls as my friends. I simply dont know how to deal
with contemporary girls.
Things are more complicated that I have written out I have lost my grandfather and my younger sister to prolonged
heart disease. And my father always pressurized me to do his unnecessary tasks.
Please suggest how can I improve.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Pray to God.

Answer 2

Too tough to answer. Can you please mail me? If you do so, please explain the matter over there without any hesitation.

Hugs.