What do you think of the first chapter of my book?

Question

I felt something hit the back of my head and I slowly turned around. I looked down, then bent to the floor and grabbed the well-made paper air plane that was lying at my feet. I made sure to keep it in my lap and away from Ms. Con’s eyes as I unfolded it. My best friend’s handwriting made the words hard to make out, but I eventually deciphered the message.
My family is driving me crazy!!!!! I must escape!! Can I come over later?!
I turned around discretely and caught Katarina’s eye. I gave her a “Duh” look, and she smiled at me, followed with a weird face. I returned the look, and then turned back around in my seat. I endured the rest of the class, and met up with Katarina in the lunch line. As I walked over, she motioned to me with her hand, and I hurried to meet her.
“What’s up?” I asked when I got to her.
“What?! Have you not even noticed that there’s a new guy in school?” she asked with a sparkle in her eye. I shrugged then shook my head. She looked at me with chastising eyes, and shook her head at my ignorance. “How couldn’t you? He’s in, like, four of your classes.” I smiled apologetically.
“I’ve been thinkin’ all day. I’ve been having these weird dreams lately…” Katarina rolled her eyes at me.
“Don’t you always? Anyways, back to the new guy. He doesn’t really talk to anybody, so I don’t know a lot about him other than he’s a total hottie.” It was my turn to roll my eyes at her.
“Don’t you always think so? What’s his name?” I asked. She shrugged and looked away, scanning the crowd, and smiled when she found who she was looking for.
“I don’t know. Something weird, I think. Why don’t you go ask him?” She pointed across the cafeteria and I looked to where she was pointing. My eyes landed on a boy who was actually kind of cute. He was pretty tall with long black hair. I noticed that he look uncomfortable, as if he was out of his element. I was kind of taken aback when he looked straight at me, and looked as if he found who he had been looking for. I looked away and gathered all of my food. Katarina and I paid, and then went to our usual table. As we sat down, she snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Hello? Earth to ******! Have you even heard what I’ve been saying?”
“Uh, no…sorry.” She looked at me disapprovingly and I held my hands up. “What? I told you I’ve been distracted…” She gave me a pointed look and continued talking. I focused on her this time and laughed as she explained to me what was going on in her house. With a whole new group seven step-brothers and step-sisters, I could understand why she was going crazy.
“Sharing a room with a seven year old? Not. Fun. Especially when she throws all of her stupid Barbies at you. Yeah, and I finally can sympathize with Cinderella. Stepmom’s suck. They’re all “Oh, let’s be friends!” when your dad’s dating them, but the second the honeymoon’s over? All hell breaks loose. She needs to stop acting like she can control me.” Katarina shook her head and attacked her food, taking all of her anger out on her macaroni and cheese. I took a tentative bite of mine, and then shoved my plate away. It was disgusting. We talked the rest of the way through lunch, and split up for our next classes. I sat down at my desk, and shifted uncomfortably from feeling someone watching me. I looked around and froze in my seat when my eyes connected with the new guy’s.

Additional Details

Panda, thanks!

Aaaa, oh no, most DEFINITELY not a stupid vampire :P that would be retarded haha

And, Idolking, shove it

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

I like it and yes it does seem a little cliché but I too am hoping that you don't make the new guy a vampire. Though i would suggest organizing your characters thoughts and ideas and using more details. Going in depth with with your settings and characters makes everything more interesting =) Good luck and continue writing.

Answer 2

Its great if you're writing a Hannah Montanna episode. Otherwise I'd suggest lining the bottom of birdcage with it.

Answer 3

its actually not a bad story. keep writing

Answer 4

It's really good and I liked it. Thought, it may be a bit cliché (specially if you make the new guy be a vampire) so try to make a big twist and PLEASE PLEASE don't turn him in a vampire! You write really well! Good luck with your story!

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