I like Tamara's answer in regards to one's attitude, that as long as one is relating to oneself and responding to what presents then this is the best one can do and will have the greatest effect to change the world. So I keep my focus on myself, and try to respond creative, beyond my old ways of responding. Trying new things and not getting stuck in repeating loops, and regurgitating old known wisdoms i've learned is key for me. I know frustration does come for me, when I have expections to get a result and my energy is blocked or I feel thwarted with my intention. This however doesn't mean that I don't keep trying to make connections, and still have the desire to have an effect and am interested in most efficient use of my time.
I understand that you are more concerned with this as you come more near to the conclusion of this life, and then this might rise the level of desperation you might feel to make an effect.
I look too at what I'm doing here in answers and come to the conclusion, that mainly it's a diversion for me, it's not very effective use of my time. I recently left a mailing group i was in because the owner lambasted me with all her ego accusations of me, painting me into all kinds of boxes of her interpretation. Then i knew that I now had a reputation and all knew me as she painted me and as she is a guru with students, then all the students respect her viewpoint. There was no choice but to leave the group, knowing that anything else i posted would get further critique from the owner and if I were to truly respond to what she was saying then she would kick me out.
I know that what I'm expressing is not being accepted by hardly anyone. there are no responses to my website, or very rarely. the more I express what I truly feel, then the more I get painted as being this or that. People like to point out differences and to see the negatives or where we don't agree. people agree with the similarities, then when they encounter a difference, then they tell you where you are wrong. This shoudl be the point where people start to communicate, why you see it like this, or what is our difference, to go into it. but that doesn't happen, differences are points of departure and reasons to fight, this is what keeps all of our precious structure intact.
I see there is a need for a communications space in the internet that has no owner, like the newsgroups. I checked that today and it looks like it is still not operational for the masses. Will this ever happen, a space like this, given the need of owners of resources to control the space? Probably not, there will always be somebody to censure you or paint you as crazy if you find a way to freely express yourself.
Yet, then I imagine myself in a group like this, and then it takes even more energy to follow the threads and keep up the written conversation and then my experience is that in one to one, the resistance factor is even higher. and shorlty in exchanges you eventually get a reputation, the group interprets what you are, and then you can't get past that image. So in effect, i think all internet exchanges via written word - email, forums, mailing lists, answers, newsgroups, etc., are a waste of time because of the innate problem of personality. I think only when real-time video exchange is developed in non-owned space would it be effective, which could be many years down the road. So the answer keeps coming back to me, the best is to write a book or to make a video. In this you have free expression and nobody owns you and can prevent you from speaking. I think most effective for you at this point in your life would be to make books, make then good, edit them and organized and clear, put all your energy into that, then distribute it as widely as you can. Now i don't say this because it's a way to make money, that has nothing to do with it. It's that people who are looking for certain informatoin, then you trust will find it, and in a book form or video, people are alone with it, and thus are more receptive to receive it. They've asked something, they have your material in your hands as a possible answer to their question. They are not distracted by others in a group, nor are jockeying for position to be best or smartest in their replies, etc.
I think everyone has a book or two in them, and it's good to make them as a conclusion of your lifes experiences, to share yourself that way. A well written book or well made video can go on long after you are no longer here. little articles and posts in answers forums and mailing lists, probably will get lost and more likely to disappear over time. then there is also so much work to collect them all and organize them or make web pages out of these peices. put it all into one place that can be distributed in one piece. perhaps then a venture now and then into the internet for inspiration.
a question comes: how come spiritual people don't inspire each other, in the creative dance? Is it that there are no real spiritual people? Or nobody sees that there is another one like them? This still intrigues me, why creativity is not more widely expressed, but rather what there is around in spiritual circles seems to be mostly intellectually repeated wisdoms the person has acquired.
I have withdrawn from all mailing lists, and now consider withdrawing from here as well. Yet, i do think this is one of the most open forums, in that there are more people here asking questions than in other places. in the other lists when one person asks a question, then everyone pounces on it, coming out of the woodwork. so I know there is an innate desire to answer questions, to help others. I don't think it's too hard to find good questions here, it depends upon the kind one wants to answer - if one is looking too much for a particular type, then it can be like finding a needle in a haystack. there are people on many different levels of their path asking questions here. you can feel these questions for their truth, they pop out at you. when you answer back from your heart, then you have used your energy in a loving way, not needing confirmation for it. This we can do all day long and everywhere, not just here.
I think to keep working here, it would be helpful for me to only have contacts that agree to work together, to only star questions which are essential ones found. then with a network like that one could log in and find good q's much quicker, as people would be working together.
In regards to the physical questions and not losing energy, I've found the best thing is to simplify, the less stuff I have the less I have to deal with. This is on all levels: people, places and things. 'Giving up' is a good place to start anything new.
PS: If it's any consolation for you, I still haven't located anyone here or in the whole internet as creative as you. So I see I still have a need to read things which give me inspiration, but there isn't much of that around. Mostly everything just seems so intellectual, everything is so well known.
PSS: i think people dont' edit their comments because the interface here is to mostly look at the new posts, so q's one responds to go down in the list. to keep bringing up all yoru answers every day to look at what happened in each 'thread' then takes quite a bit of time. not to mention this is not set up for chat. a open forum which is non-owned is needed for an exchange. i don't know of any.
So what is your intention, what is your interest in having an exchange? Is it mainly to be able to pass along your knowlege (before you go)?
In regards to your opener for conversation, about 'being recovered', i have a comment. The first thing is that I find it interesting how reality can be changed simply by receiving a different interpretation. The second thing is in regards to my actually being recovered. Well, sorry to tell you, but this is not the case, I am not recovered and don't think I ever will be. I believe I have reached the point of no return and am beyond help and I don't think there exists the possibility of going back.
PPPS: Interesting to see what comes back from that as your reaction. I see you deleted me from your contacts. I see you did not answer the question of what is your intention - I do mean with you and I. This is an issue that I need to know clear from the outset before I can consider if I am interested in another round of 1-to-1 exchange. You know I'm not talking about 'knowledge' even though i used that word. I trust you can read between the lines and know what i'm referring to. it's not like talking to a kindergartner where you have to make lectures out of basic understandings. one benefit we should have is oe of efficiency, that we don't have to go over the material which we both know each other have. right?
in regards to being recovered, and what I said about it, then underneath all that is my feeling: if you are only interested in fixing me, or getting me out of my delusion or xxxx, then I'm not interested. This is NOT saying that I'm not interested in finding out about my conditioning, neither in growing, neither that I am not open or curious. I am open and curious and you are challenging. But if it's only about you telling me how I am stuck, then i've done that and don't want to return to that paradigm. Now if you can admit that there is something you don't know that perhaps I know and vs. and if i see that you are in fact open and can treat me like an equal, then there is the possibility to be creative. But as long as there are sterotypes and roles, then I don't see it will be creative. You snub me in your reply making it personal and talking about kundalini and high level spirituality - re: head trips, this you do over and over to me. Not once have you asked about it, neither given it any serious consideration. So then you assume that because it is not your experience, then I must be in a head trip. This is the key issue that has to be cleared up if an exchange can happen. By continuing to say that i don't get it and that i'm stuck, etc., and giving your personality lecture over and over gets pretty tiring. to refine it more, the issue seems to be that you don't accept that I could possibly have taken a step that you haven't. meaning that there is possibly something i know that you don't. apparently you are not willing nor able to consider this. so then it becomes an issue of trust, if you don't feel that I have just as solid of a footing as you, then we can't come together as equals. it's then always about who is superior. I'm not interested in that kind of jockeying for position and war-like exchange. You helped me very much, my desire and intention is that I would like to return the favor, but it would require a role reversal or at the minimum an acceptance of equality and to stop giving me basic lectures. I want to give what I have been given, I want to help people. But I can't do it if nobody asks any questions or is interested.
PPPPS: I have an idea. A 'dueling masters' forum. It would be best in a place where there is threads, and one can access it direct - not only via email. i think the forum that comes with lunarpages would work okay. Then anyone invited to participate in that forum, the current members would know they had a good solid base of the fundamentals. Then there would be some rules:
1. everyone accepts that all are on equal footing, there is nobody superior to another, all can shed light.
2. anyone can critique and point out the other's conditioning and patterns - freely - and all must be willing to accept the others reflection without retreating.
3. people remember why they are there - to see their own conitioning and concepts - to grow beyond - they value the other players to help them see one's own hidden aspects.
4. people must respond to all critiques, they must confront the conditioning, concepts, beliefs, aspects, etc., that others point out.
Probably would be a hard place to be, but I think it could be very creative. Perhaps this is what is needed, versus ideas of loving, spiritual, creative dance. What is needed is to play hard-ball... Now who would be up for that? I'm game...