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Why are Indian mother-in-laws so problematic?

Is it because they are possessive of their sons (mostly) and cannot learn to let go or share? Is it the culture of interference that makes these women think they have a right to stick their noses in business that does not directly affect them?

On the contrary though, I once came across a wonderful mother/daughter-in-law relationship in Udaipur some time back. They were seriously "best friends". I asked her about her relationship and she told me that her mother in law does not get involved in their personal matter, gives advice ONLY when asked and gives her daughter in law freedom to enjoy her life as she pleases..... As a result, being so happy and all, their relationship grew into true friendship, with mutual respect and the giving of space/maintenance of privacy.

Is this rare?

Real life stories welcome!

Update:

Sure, yes, I know all mother-in-laws can be a pain, but having traveled extensively in India, I have came across this problem almost on a daily basis, this one story I mentioned being one of the few exceptions.

25 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    i dont let my mother in law interfere in my married life and sometimes she tries but i tell her not to because i like privacy. in the begining she use to ask us everything like what we talk about, where are we going etc. because we stay together but then i asked her to leave us alone. if i need her advice, i will tell her but i am a grown up and can handle the situations myself but otherwise she is fine and not bad!!

  • 5 years ago

    Hidden fact is, if indian mother in law is not a widow, she is a puppet of male dominating society.

    after the death of problematic mom-in-law, I encountered the fact that:

    If she would not behaved like all what she did, definitely every now and then she was being slapped by the father-in-law.

    Most of the time, father in laws are more greedy and diplomatic. They provoke and guide moms to demand invariably for time, funds & performance from their daughter-in-laws. When they see mom.... & daughter.... fighting, these so diplomatic father... will always be seen speaking on their daughter side and leaving the place after some times or taking the mom.... with her.

    I worked a lot with all pranks and testing methods to understand the fact and after 7 years I was convinced that the mom-in-law died away quite a left over food kinds.

    No more she was usable for my dad-in-law and till she could understand, she started prompting the fact of my dad-in-law, he reacted like a dominating male to her with all blackmail words and warnings.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

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    Oh my god! This sure is troublesome. I am an Indian girl and I know why she resents you. I am telling you the following reasons. 1. Indian mothers expect to play an active role in their son's life always and expect to live with them because that is how it is in India. Indian girls are accustomed to it but of course I know it's alien to Americans since everyone lives interdependently. 2. She must be afraid she has lost her grip on her son because he in fact denied to marry her choice of girls and married you for love. And Indians still prefer arranged marriage. 3. Our people usually are conscious before letting their children marry foreigners because (I'm telling my mom's sentiments even though she's not very strict about it) the divorcing and crumpling of marriage is far more frequent there than here in India. But I dare say not all Indian mothers are like her. What does she call you by the way? If it sounds bad why don't you tell her to call you by a more beautiful Indian names, I'm sure there are many! In fact I'm sure you'll find a few names that are used in both US and India. If there's no other visible strain between you two then maybe you should let this name thing drop. But Indian or not, you shouldn't completely change nor should you stand your ground like a stick without being flexible. Both of you have to compromise. I can see how difficult it must be for you to leave your own country to come here, because i cannot picture myself leaving India. But you must be in love truly. Surely after seeing your devotion to your husband she'll come to accept you. If she's being mean knowingly then your husband has to interfere. I'm sorry for your bad experience with your in-laws. I'd not want you to have a bad impression on all Indian mothers and India though. :) All the best!

  • 5 years ago

    Mother In Law Problems

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  • 4 years ago

    Mother In Law Issues

  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    I am no different than anyone else, educated working women married in educated family. Yet the same story i was shocked the first time it happened i was spell bound and could not move, the harsh words abuses hitting everything. and just to add i look ok and know all teh household work i can even cook and that too well. So i sould never understand the "why", i even gifted my husband's mother expensive gifts but all in vain. i think its the "insecurity" as these woman who have failed as a wife and mother would def. want everyone to be as miserable. and yes she does make me miserable like hell. and i still cant deal with the misery. I would def want to write a book on "how to deal with them" once i figure a way to :)

  • 1 decade ago

    because some of them are backward amd wamt tp burden their traditions and way of life on their daughter in law.

    It could be argued that the family the ubringing and runing of the family home is the sole purpose for the mother in laws existiance and life function there for when her sons marry off she feels her postion is thertened her purpose decressed so the keep control of the family she will want to give the daghter in law in line or through her weight about with her even when unwaranted after all if she has no reason to crtisie her daugher in law shell fin one because without reasons to crtisie her job as matrich does not have the same purpose .

  • 6 years ago

    Dominating mother in law ,too much interference in daughter in law s affairs is the biggest problem in the Indian culture.I am going through the toughest time of my life. My mother in law has so much interference in my life that i can t bear to live with her. I have come to my mother s place .Four years of marriage is not fruitful. My husband being the only son was the pampered child. My sister in law stays with us ,shifted just a month back to the next door is again a adorable and pampered child of her parents and is a Dr, staying with her parents after marriage. My mother in law always treated me as a puppet .She compares me with her daughter,abuses me , dominated me, interferes in husband wife relation. I don t have a strong bond with the husband today . he feels i am wrong in my ways to handle the situations.So much abuse i have listened to , i cant keep any relation longer. Please suggest.

  • 7 years ago

    NO, Impossible. Mother-in-laws are always mother-in-aws only, They can not become equal to mother. Stupid old women. My in law is in that position that I have to teach her how to behave with relations, how to boil kids milk bottles and how to keep kitchen clean. In fact, these and many more I should learn from her. Moreover everyone should learn how to live on their own, why to depend on in-laws yar?

  • mad
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Not all Indian mother in laws are problematic,some only.

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