My 10 year old dog, Boomer died hours ago. My life is miserable. I lost a dog and lost the girl that I love?

I am so sad today, this dog was the only one who relieves me thru all the sadness that came thru my life. I loved my dog so much, he's like a brother, a friend, and a child to me. I was 13 years old when this dog came in to my life, the year was 1998. I always talk to my dog during my teenage years that someday,... show more I am so sad today, this dog was the only one who relieves me thru all the sadness that came thru my life. I loved my dog so much, he's like a brother, a friend, and a child to me. I was 13 years old when this dog came in to my life, the year was 1998. I always talk to my dog during my teenage years that someday, I will find a perfect good girl who would caress his head and when I had problems or feel unhappy. I had met 2 girls within the 10 year range, the first one was, Jeah, she's not my first love coz my first love was Kiffa and Boomer was not yet born at that time. Jeah was a rich girl that I could not bring on a date on simple fast food change so I planned myself to work good at school and when I graduate in college, I would earn money to bring her in a first class restaurant, but this didn't happen coz when I was a sophomore in college, she already had a bf. Then on March 2005, I met the girl of my dreams, her name was Daisy. She was diligent, intelligent and beautiful also. She is always get the high scores in her class. She was 3 years younger than me. First time we met was romantic and a memorable one. Then it became complicated coz there was this other guy who is so cool and handsome coz he knows the guitar very well, apparently I became insecured. She was having a difficult time in choosing one of us, that's why she dumped both of us but a later time, she missed the other guy, the other guy was hurt, I continued to court her. At first it became ok but my insecurities still lingers and she became irritated. I was insecured because she kept on telling me about the other guy. I courted her for 3 years and last month, she finally graduated on her degree. I gave her the last flowers that I gave for her and she didn't knew that it was from me coz I let my friend give the flower to her who is also her close friend. I am so sad, my promise for my dog was failed. Weeks before my dog died, I kept on telling him to hold on and live for me coz I would be more lonely if his gone and still haven't found a girl that I would want to spend with my life that would love him too and caressed him. My dog was strong, he seemed to listen, He seem struggling to survive. My vet said that there would be a less survival for him because he was already old. My dog has a swollen liver, He was eating only chicken, but he died today. I will miss him and all those years that we spent together since when I was adolescent. I am 23 years old now, heart-broken and lonely. I never had a girlfriend in my life. I am not ugly or handsome but I takes time for me to love someone and if I fall in love with her, I would love her as if she was the last girl on earth. My dog died of a heart attack, I was holding him in my arms. How can I get this through? I lost my job a year ago because I always go late at work since Daisy hurt my heart on the day before my bday. After that, I had all the bad lucks in my life. I had an unstable work as a freelance programmer/web developer/computer technician but I had a low service pay. My dream was to build a company like microsoft and I failed that dream too coz I am not good at programming when I am lonely which made me delayed to submit my work on deadlines and thus I end up having a low income. I lived with my mother. I am so ashamed of myself that I cannot give her enough money. Sometimes, I got a chance to pay the telephone bills when I have enough money.

I'm so sad at my life, I felt like giving up and wish that I was not born. I keep on applying on various IT companies today coz I can't stand at home and it would make me cry to remember my dog. I hope someday I would be alright, please help me pray that someday I would love again, its not easy for me to move on on a 3 year mutual relationship with a girl and end up with a mess, its not easy to forget my 10 years of good memories with my dog. My christmas is so sad. The last happy christmas that I spent with my family was 2006. I am not a bad person but I am a sinner too. Why is it that people who wishes to live good things in life, end up having bad lucks and miserable life? I never wish to have this pain? will i get it through? I keep on finding again for a new girl but I always miss Daisy. I wish to find a girl like her, I want to feel again the same feeling that I met her and when I'm with her on another girl. It seems like there is no girl meant for me. I am so sad right now, I will miss my dog, Please pray for me regardless of your religion. I am a catholic christian. Is this the payment for all my sins? or why does God give me all this miserable things? I am so lonely, worried, sad and frustrated at my life right now. Please help me.
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