Please help me? I don't know who else to ask? Eating disorder recovery? I want to recover?.?

Please help me? I don't know who else to ask? Eating disorder recovery? I want to recover? I'm a 17 year old female. I've had an eating disorder for 4 years. It varies between bulimia nervosa, and anorexia nervosa. Just recently my bulimia has gotten worse. I'm up to a high weight. I'm barely... show more Please help me? I don't know who else to ask? Eating disorder recovery? I want to recover?
I'm a 17 year old female. I've had an eating disorder for 4 years. It varies between bulimia nervosa, and anorexia nervosa. Just recently my bulimia has gotten worse. I'm up to a high weight. I'm barely underweight anymore. I'm 104lbs at 5'4. I'm suicidal and depressed. I hate myself so much. I binged and purged so much earlier. Knowone knows about my eating disorder. I want to recover. So much. I've tried self recovery but it didn't work, I ended up going back to restricting, then b/p-ing again. I want to tell someone but I don't know how. I feel like I should get to my goal weight of 94lbs and then hopefully they'll make me recover cos I'll be underweight enough.

My question is, how do I tell someone? and who do I tell? Every day I tell myself- today will be the day I finally have enough courage to tell someone. Then I put it off another day. I told myself that if I purged again, then I would HAVE to tell someone, but I didn't :(

Please help me. I need help from someone. Anyone that can help, I would appreciate it so much. Honestly. Just please help someone.

Life with an eating disorder is so hard. I have no idea how some people can think this is a lifestyle. It is a mental disorder and I can't be cured. At my worst points, I want to die so bad.

I posted this just now but it didn't show up.
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