Baldev
Lv 5
Baldev asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles Β· 1 decade ago

New Office Policy-Joke!!!!! Star if you like it?

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes,

An alarm will sound,

The toilet paper roll will retract,

The stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.

After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

15 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    hahahahahahahahahahahaha

    lol liked it so much

    keep em going

    ur doin a gr8 job

    star 4 u

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  • 1 decade ago

    nice... haven't heard that one before, and it's different to many of the other office jokes...

    Here's one.

    MEMO:

    A recently pregnant staff member has requested that we send this message to all on this floor:

    To the person who drank the milk in the little green tupperware container in the 8th floor fridge, please DO NOT OWN UP.

    I bring my little son to work, and well, that milk was special, if you get my drift.

    I don't think I would be able to stand discussing policies with you if I knew who you were, so if you found the milk tasty, I suggest you call your mother and tell her you love her.

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  • 4 years ago

    In addition to writing some jokes the basic material you wrote is valuable to fresh people who are likely to join will be knowing all

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  • 5 years ago

    Hahahaaaa

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  • 1 decade ago

    Cute, but old. Joke has been around for a long time.

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  • John
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    nice 1

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well, I guess you are entitled to one off colour (by your standards) posting after you have posted some really awesome stuff here...keep them coming!!!.

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  • 1 decade ago

    lol

    nice,liked it

    employees par attyachaar

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  • 1 decade ago

    very interesting indeed, stirring up the inner .I laughed a lot.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Nice one.....lol!!!!

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