Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 7 years ago

Do most parents cease all involvement in their "child's" medical care the day he / she turns 18?

I'm slightly bewildered by a question someone posed to me in her answer to a question I asked here a while ago. She asked me why my parents had any involvement in my medical care since I'm now an adult. I turned 18 a few months ago, and am in remission for a serious health condition. Now that I'm in college and in remission, they aren't nearly as involved as they were when I was diagnosed at fifteen. They didn't cease all involvement the day I turned 18, though. My mom is a physician, so she had me sign a medical release form so my doctors could share my file with her. I didn't really object to this since she understands medical matters more than I do and can explain something at greater length than my doctor if necessary. I was hospitalized for severe pneumonia and they were both there the whole time. We live in the US now (we're British) and it's not like in the UK where you can get medical care of your own and you don't pay an outrageous sum for a top university. My parents pay for all medical care (which is extremely expensive even with insurance), student health care, and private health insurance (since my pre-existing condition makes it hard to get a policy in my own name). The previous question was about the way my dad had "manhandled" me to get me into the hospital when I refused to go on my out of a panic attack due to a needle phobia. Now I've learned coping mechanisms for my phobia so I don't freak out like that anyway. They have still made threats, like taking away my car if don't go to a medical appointment, but that's it. I hopefully won't have a recurrence, but if I did I'd have to withdraw from school and return home until I reached remission again, and I'm positive they would still do things like drive me to appointments and get my prescriptions and all of that.

Anyway, Cathrl69 had made it seem like it was weird that my parents had *any* involvement in my medical care, which baffled me. Do most other parents stop all involvement the day their "child" turns 18 and is therefore a legal adult?


@ the user named . - I am hopeful you're health is better. I am fortunate that my parents are fairly balanced in their approach now. Actually, even when I was fifteen they realized that there were things that should be confidential between me and my doctor. They were rarely ever present in the room during exams, so I had privacy then and spoke freely with my doctor. My mom knows I take birth control (not just for the intended purposes) and just gave me some information about it that I wasn't aware of, then let the decision about taking it be mine. She's a neurologist so she had reasons for me not using marijuana to ease chemo symptoms since it has more of a neurological effect on younger people. I ended up just resorting to acupuncture, which was totally ironic considering my needle phobia, but it worked. I highly recommend it.

The threats for revoking privileges has to do with missing necessary medical appointments because I wanted to do something else, or because I was

11 Answers

  • Anonymous
    7 years ago
    Best answer

    My parents did, then again I'm not in the US.

    Your question made it sound like your dad was still making decisions about your medical care as an adult to the point of forcing it on you, either through bullying tactics or even physically. That's not normal when you are an adult, and is not the same as discussing it with them, having them involved in paying for it, taking you to appointments, or collecting medication (all of which it would be completely normal for parents, or indeed any other friend or relative, to do provided you chose to have them do it).

    I'm glad you're coping better now and I hope you stay in remission.

  • Jenny
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    I am already stepping back and my child is not even 18. When she turned 15 or 16, I started giving her the choice of seeing her doctor by herself while I wait outside. Once she is 18, the only way that I'd "be involved" in her medical care is if she asked me to be. Neither of my children have any serious medical conditions, though. I might act differently if they did.

    My mother was über-involved in my medical care when I was a young adult. After I had gotten married and lived with my husband in our own apartment, I got sick with the flu. My parents came and picked me up to care for me in their apartment, made doctor's appointments for me, and supervised me while taking medication... I don't want to be like that with my own children. Anything that fosters dependency makes me cringe. I will always be available to give advice to my kids but ultimately, once they are adults, they need to be able to make their own decisions because I won't live forever.

  • 7 years ago

    My parents have always been concerned. While they don't do anything like make calls for me and stopped doing that when I turned 18, they do ask about my health and they do give advice about health and medical topics that may come up. I think most loving parents still are concerned, but different parents take different approaches to the subject--some are more involved than others.

  • Yeah, that is weird for an adult's parents to be involved. Why? Unless you sign that form the doctors aren't allowed to talk to your parents at all. She didn't know your circumstance. Obviously you need all the help you can get. No need to post a huge rant about one answer. If you want answers that don't get your knickers in a twist, by all means post this on every question you ask so that everyone knows the whole story before they answer, or fall asleep. Best of luck to you!

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  • Lark
    Lv 4
    7 years ago

    My parents were involved in certain aspects. I was diagnosed with MS at age 22. My mom, was instrumental in getting appointments set up, going with me for tests, etc. when I was home from college for a short period of time. How to proceed with my treatment was entirely up to me. i went back to school 1000 miles away a few days after my diagnosis, saw a new doc on my own, made decisions on my treatment. I did not pay for any of it, as I was covered under my parents insurance until I graduated college. They paid the copays or whatever other payment was required. Once I graduated college, I had to get my own insurance and all payments were up to me.

  • Shea
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    No. I am Thirty-something, work in a hospital and my parents are still concerned about my health and that of our 5 children..LOL As a matter of fact, I am pregnant, have a doctors appointment/ultrasound tomorrow and she has somehow invited herself.

    My mother is this way with all of us and we are the same with her and my dad, which I think we learned from them. We actually scheduled an appointment for our dad, and took him which was a good thing because hypertension runs on his side of the family.

    Personally I don't mind though.

  • 7 years ago

    I'm 16 and I no longer live at home, so I am responsible for all my own medical treatment ( I live in the UK, where it is free). That said, I do mention it to my parents if I do to the docs or something, just so they know.

  • y
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    It depends on the parents and how much they are still involved with their kids at that age. My wife and I both were on our own at that age and our parents didn't have diddly squat to do with anything in our lives. My son is twenty and i'm the one who manages most of his medical care crap. Most of the parents that I know are still involved with their kids medical crap. Of course, the kids only share what they want and that is to be expected.

  • Mrs
    Lv 6
    7 years ago

    For many minors in the US it can be hard to get birth control and other things we in the UK and Sweden (me) can easily get without parental involvement or interference. It's quite a loaded issue for many in the US. You are lucky you have parents who are not close minded. It's simply stricter regarding rights in the US.

  • .
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    Most parents probably dont cease ALL involvement, but imo, grounding you and man handling you is a bit too involved. So is having complete access to your medical file. It is your body, you are a legal adult, it is your choice.

    Then again, that is a touchy subject for me. I was diagnosed with leukemia when i was 21, and my parents basically came in and tried to manage my treatment, to the point that nurses and doctors were talking to her about my condition more than they were talking to me. Regardless of her opinion or how much she loved me and wanted to be there for me, *I* was the one going through chemo, not her. *I* was the one puking and pooping on myself, not her. She yelled at me wanting to know if I wanted to die if I sponge bathed instead of taking a shower because I got dizzy and puked every time I showered, if I didnt feel up to going to the store, or getting out, because the doctors said it was important to get exercise. Everything I ate made me puke, but she got mad if I couldnt eat much, as if I was starving myself on purpose.

    And also, there were things I wanted and honestly needed to share with my doctors that I felt were private, that I did not necessarily want to share with my mom... such as reproductive health and being sexually active. Or medicine choices.. I opted to use marijuana when I could instead of all the morphine and ativan and compazine they wanted to give me. The doctors knew, but my mom flipped out when she found out - I was such a horrible junkie... even though she saw up close and personal how all the morphine and ativan and compazine effected me.

    My tipping point for my parents involvement in my medical care though was when I went into septic shock. I had relapsed, i was having a very hard time with the chemo, and had been discussing a dnr and ceasing treatment with my doctors. But, I had yet to actually sign anything, and went into septic shock while i was neutropenic. My mom consented for me to be put on life support. Supposedly I agreed to it as well, but legally, I was in shock, i couldnt consent to anything. While I am thankful I am alive, that was the most miserable experience I have ever had, on so many levels. I will NEVER willingly go through life support again, and while my parents can always challenge it in court, I appointed a non family member as my medical poa after that.

    I mean, I want my mom to be there if I relapse, and help me out. But my medical decisions are MY medical decisions.. its MY life, MY body getting poisoned with chemo, and its MY decision, not her's.

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