I've been stuck with depression, and I can't get over it. Advice?

I don't know where to start with this. Depression runs in my mother's side of the family. Literally everyone has suffered with depression. My mother even went to a mental hospital for about a week when I was younger because of it. And yeah, I got it too. I've always had social anxiety. It's getting... show more I don't know where to start with this. Depression runs in my mother's side of the family. Literally everyone has suffered with depression. My mother even went to a mental hospital for about a week when I was younger because of it. And yeah, I got it too. I've always had social anxiety. It's getting worse and worse, and I'm not allowed to even talk about it to my friends. My mother yells at me when I'm too scared to talk to someone. I'll have panic attacks regularly. I freeze up and begin to cry, and it's embarrassing, but my mother says that I'm perfectly fine and I don't need help. In fact I'm not even allowed to ask help from my friends. And, my 'friends' are always changing. People are constantly throwing me away and using me. I've become so frustrated that I've quit making friends and speaking to people altogether. I can't go a day without thinking of suicide, I'm unable to even speak when someone is talking to me because of the anxiety, and I've suffered from it. If I so much as tell a friend I've had a bad day, my mother is up my ***, yelling and blaming me for being depressed. She'll punish me like she always has. I've been questioning my gender identity for years.So much is expected of me because I'm an artist, I can play piano, and I'm a writer and, sadly, it's these talents that are the reason I haven't killed myself already. I'm doing this in secret, and I'm completely lost. I don't know what to do. Someone, please, give me some advice . . . ?
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