Why is my stepdaughter making her children believe my children aren't related to hers through her father?

Her children call me by my first name and they ask politely if they can look after and play with my kids.

When she comes over she always asks; how are the children doing? Never how are her sisters doing?

In their home they have framed relatives hung on the walls, but none of me and my children.

Her father said it would be best this way if his grandchildren didn't know that they are related to his second family.

I don't like this one bit and don't know how to handle this.

Update:

A few days ago I got so tired of it, I let my kids know that they are related to my stepdaughter and her children. It did cause a problem and I'm sure my stepdaughter will correct her kids if the information gets back to them.

Update 2:

Yes we have been married for 8 years, and have 2 children. My stepdaughter has 4 children and stated to her father after I had my first child that she didn't want her children knowing them as bio-relatives. She said to her father that it would keep the drama down in her life.

10 Answers

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  • ron h
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    "your children" Who's their father? Is her father the father of YOUR children or is the father of YOUR children a different man?

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    The reason why your stepdaughter is doing this is apparently because your husband told her to. Your issue is with him not her.

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  • LizB
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    You can't force relationships, you know. I'm guessing your step-daughter isn't all that thrilled with her father being married to a much younger woman (more so if his marriage to her mother broke up for ugly reasons), but it sounds like your step-daughter is civil to you and has instructed her children to do the same, and her kids actually like your kids and everyone for the most part gets along.

    Soooo what exactly is the problem?

    By the way, I called my step-mother by her first name my whole life, and I don't see her sons with my grandfather as my uncles (they're half-uncles) or their kids as my cousins because I don't know them at all. My step-grandmother and my grandfather never really allowed that relationship because my step-grandmother was too concerned about propriety and acting like she was his only wife, even though he'd been married twice before her. YOU actually get along with your step-daughter and step-grandchildren for the most part, and they have chosen to be a part of your children's lives. I think you should count your blessings and stop being needlessly stuck on familial designations.

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  • edward
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    Why would she say that? Because it’s true. When you have kids together she will have a half sister or brother. Just the way it is i’m afraid

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  • Lita
    Lv 6
    1 year ago

    Because she doesn't want to do so. She's not obligated to tell her children that she has stepsiblings. You had no right to go against your husband's wishes in this.

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  • 1 year ago

    It must be tough to understand life when your step daughter is older than you are.

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    Ever try reasoning with a female?

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    This is confusing. When you say "my children", are you referring to kids you have with her dad? If so, are you married to him? I ask because you never call him a husband. This matters.

    If he's a bf, she's right. Even if they're technically half sibs, she doesn't have to acknowledge you as her "stepmom". If he's your husband,this is all different.

    EDIT: Yikes. What does your husband say in all this? These are his kids and his grandkids! (I think). I have no idea what to suggest, unless this idiot daughter of his still relies on him financially or in any other way. He needs to cut that off and tell her if she doesn't recognize the importance of family, fine...but it's a 2 way street.

    Also, I don't think you were wrong to tell your kids the truth if you were asked directly. If you did this one your own, no biggie, but it might have been better to wait a bit. They must be pretty young, and it wouldn't be cool for them to get caught in the crossfire.

    This is really weird!

    • ron h
      Lv 7
      1 year agoReport

      I agree that marriage is important here. Otherwise, the relationship looks temporary.

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  • 1 year ago

    rnaybe you need to ask her this question

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  • Tulip
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    Such immature drama just ignore it

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