Choice or not, Taylor, here’s the biggest issue. You aren’t a stepmother if you aren’t married to the father of the children. That’s not my opinion. That’s the law. If you read to them and take part in the financial responsibilities, that is very kind to you and, I’m sure, very helpful for the children in more ways than one.
The dollar amount of child support which the non-custodial parent pays (and it would appear your bf is the non-custodial parent) is determined by different methods in different States. Sometimes household income is a consideration; in other States only the non-custodial parent’s income is counted; in NY it’s a fixed percentage of the non-custodial parent’s gross income. I happen to agree that the mother and father should pay the children’s expenses, and that the father’s gf should not be expected to pay.
IF you are in a State that considers household income, you are already paying to a certain extent based on your income.
People are in Court on a regular basis over “appropriate use of child support.” There ARE no guidelines unless the custodial parent is using the drugs on alcohol or drugs. ALL expenses of maintaining a permanent residence, ALL of the child’s expenses are USUALLY deemed to be legitimate. Where is the “shoes money” going?
Again, the father is not your husband, and it matters to the Courts. In every State I know he has no obligation to support you. He DOES have an obligation to support ALL of his children, including his child with you. That means that if joint household income is a consideration, your income is included but, for example, your auto is not. You make $1,000 a month together (for the sake of an example), and your car payment is $500 and it’s in your name? Your income is considered, but that expense is NOT a deduction.
What can you do? Probably nothing. You can probably talk until you turn blue, but I don’t know if that will change your bf’s mind. If child support is a burden, you can ALWAYS go back to Court and request an adjustment based on changed circumstances. In MY State your child and his/her expenses would NOT be a changed circumstance, because you are not married. To take things to an extreme, could you file for child support for your child? Yes. Would that change “joint income?” Depends on where you are.
I have four stepchildren. My husband’s divorce requires that he pay support until each child graduates from college. I am not unsympathetic. We’ve paid in addition to child support for ballet lessons in advance (she hated ballet; good-bye money!); drum lessons (he hated playing drums; good-bye money!) and we FINALLY went back to Court with a skilled attorney and asked why we (and we are married) were paying for 6 pairs of sneakers a year and never saw any of the children in new sneakers. All of us got a lecture about what is “in the best interest of the children.” “Us” includes me.
I think you need to work out how you feel about the “ex” before you overreact and it hurts either the children or your bf. You criticize the ex-wife for being a “single woman” going out to dinner with your “husband.” He’s not your husband, and he’s also single.
“Do I need to be friends with the mother of my husband’s friends? She has a bad habit of turning invites down and calling my husband just to complain about me, as opposed to just talking to me personally. I shut it down and told her that I won’t engage that behavior and will always treat her with the respect and dignity she deserves. I have no desire to be friends with her, because I ultimately don’t feel the need to. Am I wrong?”
“Dinner with the ex? My husband wants to go to a movie and dinner alone with the mother of his boys and his boys for their birthday. He didn’t invite me, his wife and also, the mother of his 6 month old baby. She’s newly single and has a bad reputation of acting inappropriately. He has a bad habit of blowing things off. Am I wrong for felling upset about this? How would you feel about this?”
A whole bunch of money in tuition and experience
· 4 months ago