Hi! I’m 19 and just graduated high school last year. I was in a similar situation as you are now! I understand to an extent. So first off, it sounds like you might have anxiety and that’s okay. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Maybe talk to a doctor for it if it effects your daily life. If it’s mild, meditation really does help! It’s calming! Second, you’re still in high school and right now it may seem bad, but i promise you, when you get into college, things will be way better and different. Yes there are still cliques in college, but people talk more and you’ll meet amazing people with similar interests to your own. So don’t think you’re gonna die alone. Because you will meet someone someday I promise! Just be patient, good things will come your way. For right now, try to find someone who is quiet as well. Chances are, you and that quiet person will get along famously! Don’t be afraid to take chances on meeting new people! Someday you’ll wish you had. Good luck!