Critique my writing!?

Hey, I am 14, so I know it sucks, but I need REAL critique, not pointless insults and comments like I got on my last post. Thank you and here's the link-

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wrcACsSHr-Ew0MfXaIiYVh1r0VzOZ_uR42FeNxKMvvI/edit?usp=sharing
9 answers 9