Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 6 months ago

Would you resent your mom if she stayed with a man who treats you badly?

I love my mom very much, but as I’m growing more and more into adulthood, it’s hard for me to not resent and be mad at her, which to her looks like “for no reason”. This is because the man she married when I was 11 has treated me terribly since they tied the knot. Not physical abuse; but subtle things that completely changed me and my life. I would call it emotional abuse on many occasions. My mom has and sometimes does stick up for me, but it is increasingly hard to see her with him when I feel like I’m being betrayed. My mom was always a single mom until she got married, we were so close, and I feel like we can never be like that again being that she let a man into our lives that dislikes me and treats me wrong. He treats me worse and worse as I age, and I can’t help but resent my mom for still being with him, despite how he treats me and makes me feel.

Please no criticism, just advice and thoughts.

7 Answers

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  • 6 months ago

    I like the answer above mine, from "Me". If she knew how he'd be, if she didn't intervene on your behalf, if she were able, yes, I'd resent her. But, was she so aware and able? Perhaps she doesn"t have the inner resources or is even being abused herself. You, however, can now stand up for yourself and lay it on the line that you refuse to be treated as you have been, tell both of them. Perhaps you should be planning to leave at the earliest opportunity, as well. Good wishes,

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  • 6 months ago

    No,i would not resent my mom if she stayed with a man who treats me badly.

    I want to keep distance from him.

    I love my mom and i don't want to lose her for anyone. I take care my mom better than anyone.

    I want to live with my mom happily.

    If she wants a man in her life,just that who is sincere and love with her and me also.

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  • 6 months ago

    I would write a letter to your mother and him and sit down and have a family discussion. Ask that it not be a yelling fest or anything. That you just want to try and be adult about it. Explain the feelings you are having and why you feel that way. Don't make it seem like you're accusing him of things, but rather explain specific situations where you felt hurt or betrayed. Specifically tell your mother that you don't want to resent her for the decision she has made, but that these specific situations have made it hard for you not to feel as you do. Listen if they have anything to share with you.

    Remember it is all about perspective and you can only judge yourself. So if somehow it turns into a she does this or he does that situation...at the end of the day you know who you are. Don't let anyone manipulate that.

    If it doesn't go well...it might be a good time to walk away(if you're of age)...if you are under 18 maybe talk to a school counselor about the situation.

    • Mary6 months agoReport

      I will also mention...when I was under 18 I took a lot of things personally. Not saying that this is what's happening, but you really need to have perspective. Maybe he means well and it's coming across wrong or something. Just be sure to hear him out as well. It could really help change things.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    You and Mom need to get into some family counseling. Eventually if this husband is still around he should also join in for a few sessions. Resentment and victimhood can be fun for people who like drama but it's usually better to put that in the past so you can move on with a clean slate and do something meaningful with your life.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    if youre underage call cps and if youre older rnove out

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  • 6 months ago

    My father was much the same and one day i told him that, if he ever crossed me again or was disrespectful to me or anyone, i'd kick him in the balls. I told him to try it and see.

    Things changed for the better after that. And i would have kicked him as hard as i could, too. Believe it.

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  • 6 months ago

    I think it's totally normal that you resent your mom for this.

    Your mom deserves to be happy BUT her first responsibility was to make sure you live a healthy and happy life. It's appalling that she hasn't set and enforce boundaries with her husband about how he treats you. A good parent put their children before their partner.

    I'm not sure how old are you but if I were you I'd look to be able to become financially independient asap to leave that place but telling your mom in clear terms you are disappointed she chose a piece of dick over her own daughter.

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