Can you make any suggestions on this poetry? My friend feel like the last paragraph is a bit confusing.?
- 8 months ago
i might suggest putting some divide between others and cutting for the first line, as it is it sounds like stopping people from cutting other people will cause problems. i would personally but a dash at the end of that line too.
unless it's two different things on the second line, i'd cut out stop. if it is two different things, i'd try and clarify that a little bit.
on the last line, use something like "that is the cause" rather than just the to connect it a little more. cut out "psychologically arisen," mental takes care of explaining that. artistically, i would also make the last line a little more metaphorical, especially if you have one earlier in the poem.
- Anonymous8 months ago
The last part is not understandable.
It needs to be redone.