Coby asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

Why doesnt my child understand why they are in trouble?

Everytime i lecture my child or put them in time out or whatever i explain why she is in trouble. She ends up bawling and saying "Why wont you just leave me alone you're being mean." or "I didnt even do anything, i didnt even hit you." along with many other ways that totally ignores the reason i gave her as to why she actually got in trouble..

ex: I tell her not to sneak juice in her room because she might waste it, if she sneaks it again i will send her into time out. i walk in her room and see the juice next to the t.v and question her about it, then send her right to time out...now shes bawling saying "I just wanna drink my juice, you said your gunna pour it out. why cant you just leave me alone and stop being mean." We i clearly stated that she could drink it later but now she had to go in time out for breaking the rules...

cant be a comprehension thing, she's 7 and pretty smart. She understands everything else whats with this??

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    She knows she is in trouble.

    The issue here is she is trying to manipulate you into not disciplining her, that is the issue at play here, it has nothing to do with "lack of comprehending" as you like to put it!

    This is typical child behaviour when backed into a corner, to use tactics like crying, emotional blackmail, self-justification of their own behaviour etc! These are all done to gain the upper hand over the disciplinarian, and to avoid taking accountability for their wrong doing.

    There's a few tactics YOU need to learn how to deploy here, because what you are doing now is not working to correct her behaviour:

    1- When you put her in time out: There is no verbal discussions between you and her, she is escorted to her room. If she cries/screams/insults etc, you do NOT engage her, you simply walk her to her room and leave her in there for no longer than 10 minutes. A time out is not meant to be a form of discipline, its done as a way for the child to calm down and collect their thoughts without being a threat to their own safety or to others.

    2- When time out is over you explain to her why she was placed in time out, and how she can go about correcting her behaviour. This is done in a firm but fair way, without insulting her, and there is no arguing over it.

    3- I think YOU need to learn to pick your battles here- In the juice case, is it really worth all the hassle? Personally, I see nothing wrong with her having juice in her room, as long as it is placed on a table, its not a big issue. Now things to battle her over would be if she were to swear at you, or to leave the house without asking for your permission first, those types of things.

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    • James Blackley
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      Ok that's different then- Here's what you do- You put her to work around the house, and that money you give her, right away goes to the cleanup costs to fix the damage.

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  • 1 month ago

    she just doesnt give a f*ck. I wouldnt either tbh

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  • 1 month ago

    She's you and no doubt you were a little hell raiser. and part of her Father she mind game child sop good luck be firm not too firm good too defy a little she won;t be a follower too much 

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  • Jane
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I have found it's best to bear in mind that as she gets older, she may do more challenging things than just wanting to have a drink of juice in her room.What form of punishment will you have available to you if you have already used time out for the juice thing? What escalation of punishment could you go to later for more serious matters?

    Having juice in her room to me not a misdemeanour, or an issue at all. If you are worried about spillage, get re-useable straw drink bottles, easy to buy and eco. Or create a time where you bring her the juice and sit with her in a relaxed way, a mother/daughter time to chat or share ideas, music etc. 

    Beware of becoming the kind of parent that tries to control rather than find solutions, as you will create an issue in your relationship with your daughter that can only get worse.Try to relax over small stuff, be open to being with her and knowing her, and focus on more serious and important matters.

    From a mum with a daughter who is now grown.

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    • Jane
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

       She loses something she values such as tv time 1 hour per point, gains 1 hour per plus point. If she gains 10 plus points say over a week, maybe organise a small treat or priviledge you've agreed with her. Needs a bit of planning so it works!

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  • 1 month ago

    i am sorry to say that i have no child.so this type of question looks like ashamed for me

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i would just let her drink her juice, its not worth arguing about it

    • Coby1 month agoReport

      shes allowed to drink the juice, just not away from the table because she tends to spill and dye the carpet which will get us introuble with the office and attracts bugs. id never keep her from drinking her juice. plus this was just an example not the main problem

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  • 1 month ago

    Why do you have to explain things to death to your kid when they know they are doing something they aren't supposed to do? Ask yourself that question.

    I truly doubt a parent would come here and ask this silly question.

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    • Coby1 month agoReport

      when she gets out we talk and if its something super serious im sure to let her know i love her no matter what but that its just not the way to act then send her on her way. im just trying to keep peace in the house, im no kid expert i was kinda just shoved into this. if its silly dont reply. 

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  • P
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    She's just trying to get in your head and mess with you into thinking you are a bad person.  It's all for show to get you to feel sorry for her and reduce the punishment.  You may not think she's capable of that level of manipulation, but she's had 7 years to figure you out.   If she keeps repeating the bad behavior obviously she's not getting the right type of consequence.  Typically for a 7 year old, time out's won't be helpful, but taking away TV\electronics for DAYS at a time is very effective.  They will try to put you through hell if they think it could get either you or your spouse to feel sorry for them.  Everytime you give in you essentially reward her for complaining\having a tantrum and it ensures she will do it again. You shouldn't be just focusing on the "Juice" or whatever it happens to be, you also need to punish her for the negative\manipulative way she's interacting with you to put a stop to it.

    • Coby1 month agoReport

      thank you for the advice! 

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  • 1 month ago

    Children's logic is not the same as adults'. Read the parenting books! Especially perhaps “How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish 

    • Coby1 month agoReport

      thanks! i will look into this book right after this

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You're too controlling. Teach her to put half a cup of juice and take the cup to the bedroom. Teach them the value of money and rationing, also not to waste food. Try explaining things instead of being a tyrant, otherwise your kid might start to rebel and not care. Or threaten to take away the TV so they know you mean business.

    If your child is thirsty, why would you deny them juice is my question?

    • Coby1 month agoReport

      i didnt deny her juice..she just HAD juice, she just likes to sneak food from her plate to the bedroom and ends up wasting it in the carpet and dropping her trash and food topping behind the bed in secret and its just not sanitary. attracts bad things.

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