Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 8 months ago

Don’t like being a step mom anymore and unhappy in my marriage ?

I started out as a nanny taking care of this cute little boy and I had a lot of fun doing this job. His single dad ended up liking me a lot and I had a good time with him. We would go out as a group with him and his kid and I and he started to fall in love with me because I was a good mom to his son and I had a good personality. We eventually got together unexpectedly because it started to feel like we were a family. As we got deeper in our relationship I was having fun being a mom figure and then things got kind out of hand constantly listening about how awful his ex wife was and she was awful. She was an awful mom and a horrible wife. He had to get restraining orders on her and everything and got full custody of his son. His family would talk crap about her and stuff and I personally didn’t want to hear about her. He told me lots of information, lots more than I would have liked to know, and I appreciate how open he is with me but now that’s stuck in my head. He says he was trying to make me feel better by saying how awful she was. Also his ex would blow up his moms phone when his son didn’t call him exactly when she wanted him to because my husband has her blocked. It really bothered me that she still had open communication with MY soon to be mother in law. My step son has said wish mom and dad didn’t get a divorce and brings up the past and we have a baby on the way and I feel trapped :( I really regret taking on this role as a step parent and second wife. Help?? 

Update:

On top of that I have to be the one to take his son to and from school everyday she’s he’s not even my kid and he lives with us 24/7 so I never get a break ughh 

5 Answers

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  • 8 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Yes, you will feel trapped untill you take charge and run your own schedule. 

    Time to re-evaluate what your days are filled with and with who. Set new rules you are happy to follow and get everyone on the same page. 

    This may be challenging for your partner and might cost breaking his bad habbits, but if he wants a family of his own he's going to have to step up and be a better man himself, otherwise the story could repeat itself and you will be the one everyone blames. 

    Raise your self-esteem. Respect yourself, your time and what you allow in your space.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    Sounds like maybe you're just too young to have taken all of this on. Had you not gotten pregnant you'd have more options. But if you're absolutely sure you can't deal with this I guess you'll divorce him too and he'll be a single dad of two (although probably shared custody with you) until such time as he marries the next nanny.

  • RP
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    It seems like you feel as if you're the second fiddle. The problem may be that he has not completely gotten his ex out of his system and/or figured out how they can continue to raise their child. Until that is resolved, he is unlikely to be a good partner for anyone and you are likely to feel you are not as important, and loved, as you would like. Before going further, re-think your relationship and, if you decide to continue, do so with the utmost care.

  • Ana
    Lv 6
    8 months ago

    Ok you’re acting really immature, so take a breather and slow down.

    First, this is not a reason to break up over. You sound ridiculous.

    Second, if you want him to stop badmouthing her, then simply TELL HIM THAT. And tell him WHY it bothers you so much. Tell him that you know he’s a good man and he doesn’t need to bash his ex for you to believe that.

    Third, you have a new baby on the way. Stop trying to harm your baby. Your baby deserves a married family.

    Fourth, tell your man if his kid is being rude by bringing up mommy and daddy staying together. Tell him that hurts you, and hopefully he’ll talk to his kid about it. BUT KEEP IN MIND, kids will be kids, kids say stupid things it’s just what they do.

    You aren’t “trapped”, you should WANT to CHOOSE to stay in a relationship with a committed man, where you are pregnant with his child and have a child on the way.

    So many women get violently beaten, raped, badly abused by their man. All your guy is doing is saying he hates his ex (him and every other person on the planet lmao. Who doesn’t hate their ex?) He’s been a good man to you, overall, so you really shouldn’t be fiending for excuses to leave. 

    Again, talk to him to stop the stuff that bothers you... BUT YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE INSTEAD OF JUST UP AND LEAVING EVERYTIME YOU DONT LIKE SOMETHING. Mature people do not act that way!

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  • kristy
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    If no one is holding a gun to your head then leave. It’s not going to get any better

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