Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 month ago

Dumped because we are at different stages in life....but how?

So, I was dumped by my GF because according to her we are at different stages in life....she is 31 I am 25.

I don't understand what she means by we are at different stages in life

I am looking to settle down, and I'm not interested in flings or hookups.

We both share the same outlook on life, such as marriage, kids, buying a house.

The differences (which I don't consider to mean that we are at different stages in life)

We both have jobs. I work full time, she works part time.

None of us are at university or in education.

1. I live with my parents. She lives (rents) on her own. I still live with my parents because I am smart and saving for my own house, to save every penny, rather than give my money to landlord...I will be better off in the long run

2. I don't drive. Partly because of the saving money. I don't have any issues getting to her house....

She never explained to me what she meant by being at different stages in life. I don't get it. Any pointers please?


she has no other bf......she's on pof looking for him now lol

11 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    Hi Tom,

    Actually At no point does her opinions ever

    Become facts, please don’t be too jaded

    By this. Consider some grief counseling with

    Your local doctor or better still a fully fledged 

    Psychologist whom can bring about closure


    Very best wishes 


    Source:) Empathy

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  • 1 month ago


    3 points !  ( or is it 5 these days ? )


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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Yeahhhhhhhh.  The living with your parents and not driving parts are huge blows to your manhood.  I dunno if you'll ever be able to recover.  It tends to trump everything else no matter what the case is.  Ask around.  Most people aren't willing to date people with those 2 perceived 'loser' traits.

    If you don't understand what she meant by being at different stages in life you probably shoulda asked her and conversed a lot more about the situation.  That kinda leads me to believe that you're passive, you have trouble opening up to people and you don't really show or talk about your emotions much.

    Either the connection's there or it isn't.  Would you wanna date somebody where it feels like you're talking to a brick wall?  You must be from anti-social emotionless rural America I'll tell ya what cuz that place is a totally depressing buzzkill like that!  People are generally uninteresting out there.

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    • Tony1 month agoReport

      have you tony thorne of canvey island  change your life 

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  • 1 month ago

    Why don't you ask her what she means by different stages in life? Tell her she is the perfect age for you, you don't want girls who just want to play around. Tell her she is fixing to hit her stride sex wise and she will need someone younger than she is to take care of those needs she is going to have. You should move in with her and help her with her bills, it's time to move on from mama and papa. Maybe that is what she is talking about, you still living with your parents. You willing to marry her? Why does she only work PT? With interest rates the way they are now, now is the perfect time to be looking for a house. You make pretty good money? Is she good in the sack? Buy your own house and let her move in with you, that way if you're not good together and decide to split the house will still be yours. If you think she is the 1, you're wasting time. 

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  • 1 month ago

    It seems she wanted some excuse.

    • Saykiatric1 month agoReport

      Best relationship advice I have heard in a long time....listen closely.

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  • Dv8s
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You can't see the big picture here, because you're knee deep in you. At different stages means, she doesn't feel the same way as you do. She's not ready to settle down, and she wants flings, and hookups. You're a good match for someone, but it's not her.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Edit: It seems as she needs time to work on herself then. Considering her age, she seems to have a lot of self esteem issues, women in their 30s are usually confident. Not your fault, there are other women out there. You can ask her one more time what she meant specifically, but spend no more than that on her.

    I have been in a similar situation, she is 34 and I'm 26. I still live with my parents and she does not drive. We are not in a relationship.

    It is possible your ex still did not feel comfortable enough settling down with you. It is a big decision. She might consider doing other things in life. She could also have been through stuff that has shaped her views on what an ideal partner is, stuff that you do not know about. After all, she could still be afraid of commitment, for example if she has encountered abuse at some point or had cold, unloving parents.

    It is not your fault, I have had similar struggles as well. I wish I had not spent so much time beating myself up over it. If you tried your best and it did not work out, remember to not feel bad about it. Otherwise you would probably be together still.

    Feel free to update your question/ comment if there is something you still want to ask.

    • Tom1 month agoReport

      I never asked for long term comitment..... I would never ask any partner that unless I pop the marriage question.
      Her parents are nice, she isn't abused, but does have self esteem issues which 
      I tried to help her with but she pushed me away, and she admitted so 

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  • You're all about that whole "Better off in the long run" business, so let me tell you that you're better off now.  She gave you some vague bs and left, which probably means that she's with somebody else now, or is looking to be with somebody else.  Keep doing what you're doing and you'll be fine.  She did you a favor,  Had you actually had something of value to your name, she might have just cheated on you and had her cake and eaten it too.

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  • 1 month ago

    I would bet she's dumping you for someone who already has money, a car, and a house, even if she hasn't met him yet.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Probably an excuse to be with her new bf.

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