Sara asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

Boyfriends parents are completely unfair to him... HELP!!?

Yesterday my boyfriend vented to me about something I think is kinda serious. He has a younger sister me and him are both 18 she’s 15. His parents are consistently favoring her and putting her first. For instance she’s in Girl Scouts, and she needed cookies delivered to her house while her parents were out of town, but wanted to go see her boyfriend at work. My bf was busy writing an essay for college. So when he told her “no, I have to finish this I can’t take you.” She went to her mom and got her parents to tell him if he didn’t he’s grounded, the drive was over 30 mins away just to get there. Then his sis told him he needed to get the cookie order for her since she wasn’t there, then pick her up when she was done, and he had to pull an all nighter just to finish his work. They both do chores in the house too. But if his sister doesn’t do hers, his parents get mad at him and make him do it. Last night I went over and walked in on a fight where I witnessed his mom completely ignore anything he said. she told him to just “shut up and stop making everything about him” he’s told me he’s tried everything to get his parents to even talk to him. They won’t even try to sit down and have a civil conversation because “ they are the parents and he should stop questioning everything they say.” He’s told me he’s tried everything and the only way to even speak is if they're in a screaming match, But his parents still don’t listen. I want to help him but idk how.. any advice is helpful 

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  • 1 month ago

    He is 18 they cant ground him he should move out, if he can’t afford to move out he should join the military who will pay his way 

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  • 1 month ago

    Did you say he's 18? Trying to go to college?? Well maybe he can get TF outta there... It is probably a bit of an ask, but mental/emotional/psychological health shouldn't be ignored; he might be trading in one burden for another, but hopefully between the two of y'all (I was assuming you'd live with him in this scenario and could contribute financially), you both can be away from that in your own happy little space.

    Good luck with everything; I hope he stays strong.

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  • Raja
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You can only give him moral support .Encourage him to get through college even with difficulty then get employed .He should leave home do part time studies and qualify in his selected profession . Discuss with him the suggestion and leave it to him to accept or reject.Good luck.  

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  • 1 month ago

    What the hell are you supposed to do? There's nothing you can do. Stay out of it. Apparently, the daughter is the favored, younger child.

    Maybe your boyfriend needs to put his foot down? You can't do it for him. He's scared of his parents, i think

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    maybe he should move out

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  • Teal
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    The parents probably believe that since he is 18, in college, and living rent free that he has a greater obligation to help out. The sister is still a kid, they aren't going to be treated the same. He would have a lot more responsibilities and stress if he moved out, being asked to do chores and the occasional favor is a small price to pay for their support. He will graduate with less debt, less stress, better grades and have a much stronger head start. If he disagrees, nobody can stop him from leaving. Otherwise he needs to make the best of his situation and focus the long term.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    This does sound very unfair, but when you say you don't know how to  help, this isn't surprising because there's not a single thing you can do.  In fact, odds are probably higher that you'll cause problems if you do or say anything.  Don't forget, the dynamics between him and his parents started developing the day he was born and they first made eye contact.  A gf doesn't have any power whatsoever to impact this.  There's something else you want to keep in mind.

    When you're around him and his parents, he doesn't act the same way he does when you aren't.  This is human nature, and I'm sure applies it applies to you if he's ever at your house.  So it's very possible he's doing things that contribute to this mess.  As an example, maybe he does question them or argue too much.  He just won't do that when you're around.  None of this is a negative on him, but merely a reminder to you that there's a lot more to this story than you're aware of.  There always is.

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  • 1 month ago

    He could move out - then he would not have to deal with these situations.

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  • Rick
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    It's normal for younger siblings to get away with more than their older ones do but this is excessive.  He needs to speak with a school counselor for help with this one since there's no easy fix.

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  • 1 month ago

    Keep your nose out of this.  It isn't any of your business. Your boyfriend's side of the story may not be the only one.  He is an adult.  If he doesn't like his living situation, he is free to get a job and move out.  If he wants and needs his parents financial support to go to college, then he has to suck it up and do want his parents want.  He could have agreed to be grounded in order not to do the driving.  He choose to drive the cookies.  

    If you want to "help him," feel free to help him do the chores and get him to see how his behavior isn't going to help.  Both of you need to see the bigger picture. I'm not saying they parents don't favor the younger child. I'm saying if he wants to date you and have his parents pay for college, he needs to get in line with their expectations. 

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