is my step dad toxic?
im 16 he takes my phone at 7:30 or earlier every night. He yells at me constantly and blames me for everything even if it was something that he did. He yells at me often for eating food or drinking water at certain times. He always is calling my mom fat and telling her to lose weight, he also tells her to "suck in her gut" when hes taking a picture of her. By the way my mom is very skinny and extremely fit she works out almost everyday. He sometimes calls me things like a worthless whore with no purpose and hes told me i should die a few times. hes taken my makeup, lotion and skincare products I've bought with my own money and threw them away because "he doesn't like the smell of them" i don't know if this is normal or not but i really don't like it. is there any way to get him out of my life because i hate to say this but i genuinely hate him and i don't love him at all.
i’ve told my mom MANY times she just keeps making excuses for him. he just screamed at me about an hour ago because my younger sister has autism and she can’t brush her hair herself and he was hurting her when he was brushing it so i told him it might hurt her less if he started from the bottom and brushed up from the bottom and he said i’m “a pain in the *** and that i think i know everything and that he’s right and i’m wrong about everything since he’s lived longer”
- 4 months agoFavourite answer
Hi, yes this is abusive behaviour. Be very careful. A man acting this way has no regard for women and may become physically violent. He may have a desire to put others down to boost his own ego, or he may despise weakness in others because he was bullied himself, maybe he wasn’t loved enough as a child, whatever the reason he has no right to take it out on you.
I strongly recommend buying a cheap, small, payg phone with long battery life, and hiding it very carefully, in case you need to call for help. He may search your room so hide it well. Save the numbers you need on it, and make sure friends know that number if you call them, but leave it off and on silent so it’s always charged.
Also, make sure you can barricade yourself inside your room with a chair, etc, if necessary. Look on YouTube to see how to do it.
A can of pepper spray is also worthwhile, if it comes to that.
Tell trusted friends about this situation and a teacher too.
Be aware that the teacher will probably want to talk to your mother, so you need to talk to her about this first.
She may have low self esteem and attract bullies, but you need to show her that together you can live without him.
Talk to a Women’s refuge service or charity, in your area. They’ll be the experts on what resources are near you and what to do and where to go if it gets worse. Don’t confront him or antagonise him without a plan of what to do if he becomes physical.
Maybe you’re worried that your mother won’t want anyone to know about it and she’ll be angry with you if she knows you’ve talked to people, but she’s putting both of you at risk by staying with him. Your emotional development and self esteem is being damaged by this home environment and either someone needs to force your step father to change his behaviour, or he needs to be kept away.
Finally, this probably won’t be the only a**hole you meet in life. Sadly there are lots of them, male and female. It’s a very good idea to do two things: 1) look at ‘non violent communication’ by Marshall Rosenberg to understand human behaviour and how to change it, and 2) practise self defense, know how to protect yourself, recognise danger and ‘create space’ between you and an attacker so you can get away. Ask a local women’s group about that. (If you’re in a rural area you might not have those resources locally so you’ll have to go online. In which case buy a phone online and have it sent to a friend’s house. If you can’t afford one, ask if a friend has an old one.)
Good luck, and remember, even though this guy treats you like crap, you have an absolute right to expect respect and kindness.
Learn from your mother’s mistakes and avoid them.
- papasteveLv 64 months ago
I can only say, he is abusive, mean and cruel. You and your mom deserve better. No one deserves to be mistreated. Controlled, hit, yelled at called negative bad names. Your mom needs to leave him or kick him out.
- 4 months ago
The step dad is really toxic. He should be avoided and you should not argue with your step dad. You can go to your friend's house and stay for 1 week and then return back and see what happens. If the condition gets worse, leave that house permanently. Find an earning opportunity and stay apart from that house.
- EdnaLv 74 months ago
Isn't it amazing that almost ALL 16 year olds say they hate their parents and find them toxic; and almost every 16 year old has some sort of horrifying story about the way their parents treat them.
I don't believe 99% of what you wrote, because you put in too many unnecessary details - details that you're probably making up. That bit about him throwing away your makeup, lotion, and skin care products because he doesn't like the smell; and yelling at you for eating food or drinking water at certain times are absolutely unbelievable.
BTW: "He takes my phone at 7:30 or earlier every night". That's okay. He probably paid for the phone that he's allowing you to use and he pays the monthly charge from the service provider for your use of the phone. The bills are in his name and come addressed to him. It's HIS phone; and he can take it away from you at 7:30 every night, if he wants to.
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- ✿⊱╮ScarletLv 74 months ago
Your stepfather is poisonous. This guy is just a paranoid and I don't know how your mom hasn't figured that out yet. Watch out for him, flower, as he might try something related to sex with you. Be aware, this type of man is a danger to society.
- Anonymous4 months ago
That’s not a normal behavior, no. He even bullies your mom who he is supposedly in love with. Does your mom work? Tell her he’s abusive to her, but she’s blind. You both needs to get out of the house and live a happy life. Or if that’s your mom’s house, she needs to end the relationship and tell him to leave. This guys is nuts.
- Alan HLv 74 months ago
That is far from normal. Speak to a trusted adult relative
- TjLv 74 months ago
Its up to Mom to boot his *** out
- Anonymous4 months ago
No, of course not.
- PearlLv 74 months ago
he shouldnt be yelling at you like that, tell cps