Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 2 months ago

Do you think my mom is jealous of me?

I'm more attractive than her during her youth. She would bully me and harass me, she called me a hooker, when im a well amnnered and virgin, and well dressed.

I think she and my sister gang up on me, I'm treated like Cinderella at home.

She does everything she can to make me feel and look bad or hinder my success. And she gaslights me.

Update:

I get scapegoated and blamed and targeted for something i didn't even do. She constantly berates me and harasses me, and she would literally bully me and not my sister. I think she's JEALOUS. She tries to prevent me from being successful. I'm taller than her and more attractive than her during her youth. If a guy likes me, she will criticize and if i have anything good going on, she would pretty much berate me.

Update 2:

there's more to the story than i can write, she's like manipulative and abusive. She wants me to stay at home, she reminds me of Cinderella's mom or the evil witch from Tangled's mom, she wants to keep me at home and manipulate me, she's trying to stop me from being successful..

16 Answers

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  • 2 months ago

     The answer sometimes is yes.  It is not very common and it is very toxic/problematic.  What you described it seems like a definite yes.  I work with women who have CPTSD;PTSD, BD, BPD or other concerns.  Almost always this is one of the causes, what you described jealous/toxic or narcissistic mother. While it may not have been the direct cause usually a sh*tty mom is usually a reality. Here is a general article on it: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-suppo...

    Mother daughter jealousy is usually hinged on sexuality.  This is the top 5 things women are jealous of:  Body Type(shape/size), Sexual Confidence, Style(Dress; presence, makeup other), Over all confidence & Career/money. I always throw in maturity (mature for your age).  I add that one. Most studies show mothers who are jealous often have self-esteem issues,socially bullied, interpersonal relationship issues,shameful of their feminism; sexuality or body (Body dysmorphic disorder).  Its things like these and others which create a narcissist. It is things like this that cause a mother to abuse (physical/emotional) their daughter.  Your mother must perceive you as more confident, sexual desirable, better style, better makeup, better more connect relationships - things like that.  You don't actually have to be better but she must perceive it.  What she feels she must do is hurt, humiliate or somehow harm you.  When she does this she feels bigger and stronger, she feels more important.  If it is a narcissistic or more serious type of jealousy she probably does it in public.  She wants to signal to others she is bigger & you are smaller.  She's tried and tries to turn others against you while isolating you.  Attacks about your body; look or style should be semi common: hair, breasts, weight, style (usually they are derogatory personal attacks).  She requires you to feel smaller, of less value or unimportant so she can feel better.

    I do not know how bad it is. But 3-6 months of this genuinely is traumatic.  Its not ok, I'd argue its illegal - whatever though. I am not a judge.  You need to do a lot of things. But as you said you left out a lot of details/specifics & history.  Usually if you think of the last 6-12 months, she will have some common things she attacks or hurts you with.  There are some things that make her very mad/upset.   She will get louder more animated or emotional with other things.  You look for patterns.  Those are her "triggers".  Those are the things she is insecure, ashamed of or has problems with.  She is jealous of you for those.  She wants to have those things or be you.  Since she can not  she must make you feel worthless/bad.  It depends whats going on.  The worst thing you can do is ignore it (not push back) or run.  Everytime you ignore it this signals to her "I AM RIGHT!  SHE IS SMALLER"  "I am better", usually the attacks keep getting worse.

    So ya it is rare seems abusive and to be jealousy.  If you get bored, COVID19, I am bored I might have other thoughts listenforyou@protonmail.com.

    Last thought. You don't want violent/physical confrontation - thats dumb.  But you must maintain control.  You do show and remind her you are these things.  You are prettier or "X, Y, Z" and you are not ashamed or embarrassed.  You won't change you for her.  You slowly push back (lightly or forcefully) and things change or you just pull away when you really tried. 

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  • Ann
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    It could be. I finally realize that I think my mom was jealous of me, doing things she would have liked to have done. When I realized that, I was kind of shocked. Like my popular, well-educated mom was jealous of ME?! But I think she was. It explains a lot.

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  • 2 months ago

    My mother was like that with me and I seethed inside for DECADES. To the point that I ignored her/ rarely went to see her in her old age. She was really nasty to me when I needed SOMEONE to guide /lead/LOVE me!! When she died, I had massive guilt and kept wishing I had been the bigger person and not ignore her the way I did. I strongly recommend you speak to her and tell her how her comments make you feel. Remembering back, I know my mother stopped saying a couple of things when I threw it back at her (She always made nasty fun of my large hands - but when I pointed out my large hands knew how to sew/crochet/knit and embroider (she didn't) she never said it again. I think your mother may be jealous, but I think she is mainly thoughtless, like mine. Unless you speak up, she won't stop. You might also point out she is spoiling a relationship with your sister, because your sister is following her nasty lead. 

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Some parents are jealous of their child and will do things to sabotage you like telling everyone that you are a difficult child when you are not. They won't defend you when you need it such a someone in your school or community bullying you or treats you unfairly the mom won't help out and will side with the accuser. When they see you doing well, they try to make you feel stupid as if your accomplishments are ridiculous and will try to make you stop. For example, you are great at ballet and mom tells you that you aren't graceful at all or you are good at science, and mom tells you that you are not that smart and you will never be a scientist.

    I'm much older than you but as an adult, I had to cut my mom out of my life. I realized that my mom is such low esteem, troubled person that she couldn't and wouldn't dream that she ever gave birth to anything good, so I was sabotaged. Instead of seeing me as someone, she's proud of, she competed with me. 

    So, I'm guessing that one day, you too will have to cut these people out of your life if you ever want anything good for yourself. It was hard admitting this to myself and to say goodbye to someone I thought loved me but I know now i wasn't loved. 

    The good thing is, you know this early on in life so you won't believe the lies they tell, the intentional tripping you up, and knowing the enemy so you won't listen to them and become the best in what you know you're good in and just be happy overall. 

    Congratulations on figuring this out, now you have a fighting chance. 

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  • 2 months ago

    IT sounds like you might have a problem and that you might be very young.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    i think thats possible

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  • 2 months ago

    This doesn't belong under Etiquette. Move it to "Family and Relationships".

    Honestly, sometimes I wonder what people think Etiquette *is*!

    • 2 months agoReport

      Isn't that the sticker that comes on a can of beans?

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Troll smarter, not harder.

    < there's more to the story than i can write >

    I'm sure there is, the imagination is a wonderful thing.

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  • Sandy
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    start planning an exit strategy. get grades good enough to win a scholarship or join the military. but get out of that house. your mother and sister are toxic, and prince charmings are very rare and don't come to the rescue.

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  • 2 months ago

    Tragic.ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

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