What do you think of my motivation letter?
"I grew up in [country] during the authoritarian era (19xx-19xx). In my generation, we attended the 12-year compulsory education and were encouraged to study engineering or medicine. Social sciences were – still are – considered redundant by many, not to mention that books in social sciences and humanities were difficult to find.
The end of the regime brought about a new era of freedom of expression, allowing me for the first time to learn our history other than from the Government-approved sources. Inexplicable social occurrences that I had observed have now become evident after I familiarized myself with the previously ‘played-down’ social sciences.
I believe that I am a keen social observer; now familiar with social theories, I can put what at that time seemed to be a mere casual observation into academic writings and have them published by a leading international academic publisher.
The funding would ensure me to finish my master studies smoothly. I have often been compelled to modify my education and career path in connection with my background and personal situations, having first obtained an undergraduate degree in civil engineering, which is more “in demand” if I were to make a career in my home country. I am finally able to do a master degree in my area of interest and am close to my goal of being a committed researcher, where I can use my knowledge to make original scientific contributions to my area of studies."
Is my motivation letter to personal? Is it ethically correct? My academic counselor told me to make it more "personal" (than the previous one), but I'm afraid I look unprofessional.
Could you please help me improve this (perhaps also linguistically)? Any suggestion would be appreciated.
As English is not my mother tongue, I'm also afraid I make a lot of grammatical mistakes. Would appreciate your two cents really!
Thanks for the input. To answer your questions:
1. Yes, I've been accepted 1.5 years ago and am writing my master thesis right now. The funding is for master students on the last stage of study.
2. No, that's the ONLY place I have any chance of working. I'm working as a TA now and my professor wants to recruit me in his research team as soon as I finish my master.
3. Three of my articles have been published by Routledge. Sorry if I didn't make it clear due to English not being my mother tongue. I haven't proofread my Y!A question.
4. I have. That's how I financed my master studies in the UK so far. My academic counselor just thought I have a best shot for this funding. That's why I'm applying.
- Your MajestyLv 41 month agoFavourite answer
No need to put "..." on "in demand" and "played down".
Break them apart in several paragraphs for visibility.
I don't know about academia, but I wouldn't feel it unethical reading it.
- PearlLv 71 month ago
it sounds good to me
- ibu guruLv 71 month ago
Red Flags Flying here. 1. You do not appear to meet any prerequisites for any graduate degree in any social sciences. Has any university accepted you? This does not look promising due to your lack of any appropriate undergraduate preparation in any of the social sciences.
2. "IF I were to make a career in my home country..." That's the ONLY place you have any chance of working. Master's degree in any social science does NOT qualify you as an independent researcher, does NOT qualify you for any job or employment visa abroad. If you have no serious job prospects in your own country with a mere master's degree, why would anyone waste money helping you earn a degree which does neither you nor your country's development an iota of good? You're telling them you're a waste of money & a waste of space in grad school as you have Hidden Agendas here, not any serious purpose of benefit to you or your country.
3. How arrogant to think that a mere master's degree student with no appropriate background in the field nor any record of independent research conducted to current standards of methodology, statistical analysis, replications, peer evaluations, etc. is going to be "Published by a leading international academic publisher."
4. If you are a qualified civil engineer, you should have been able to save up money to pursue further education, and have no serious need of financial assistance compared with those with excellent background in their field who require (& are fully qualified, with proven talent in the field, to pursue) a minimum of master's or doctoral degree for entry-level employment in their field.
This all seems poorly motivated, based on numerous erroneous assumptions, with inadequate preparation & very unrealistic objectives.