df
Lv 4
df asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

What can I do without pissing everyone off? My life revolves around my adult sibling and I hate my existence because of it. ?

My final year at uni was a bust because I spent so much time driving her around and doing her housework for her.  I had let my sister be my roommate because she had “too much anxiety “ to find herself a roommate.  If I asked her to help out, she screams and breaks things.  

She and our mom would blow up my phone when I went to my BF’s house until I’d come home at night, because my sister was “too anxious “ to be in the apartment by herself. She also did not want him coming back to our place because of her anxiety.   

Now I can’t see my BF even though I will be moving across country in 6 weeks and can only see him on the weekends, because my sister has health issues and cannot be exposed to the virus.  If I were living alone like I had been before, I could have still seen him because I’m at home the rest of the time.  

Our parents pushed me into this from the start.  They forget that I have a life outside of tending to my sisters anxiety.  I haven’t had a friend over in 2 years and can’t stay out late because of her yet she has friends over all the time.  If I say anything to her she will become destructive 

11 Answers

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  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Stop being a doormat 

    Leave the pity party 

    Get on with your own life.....you are not a puppet or a child 

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  • car253
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You are being used and abused.   Tell them you will NO longer be used and abused.  Your parents need to take care of your sister.   That's not your job.   Move out.   Do not let them know where you moved to.  

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    just dont room with her next time

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  • Liz
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Proverbs 15:22 states: “There is a frustrating of plans where there is no confidential talk, but in the multitude of counselors there is accomplishment.” Confidential talk means private but frank communication between individuals.

    Perhaps it past time for you to discuss your problems with your family.  

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  • 1 month ago

    Time for a family meeting to state the facts. You’re not responsible for her, and your family mustn’t try manipulating you into caregiving. Seems she needs her issues addressed immediately and needs to move out. 

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  • 1 month ago

    Its your life.  Detach with love and start living it.

    Don't feel guilty, don't worry if they get pissed because that is on them, not you.  You've done what you could, now its time to enjoy the life you have been given.

    Have the conversation with them, be loving but firm, regardless of how they react.

    You may also want to point out to all of them that if your sister is to have any chance of having a normal independent life, she needs to learn coping skills, not depend so heavily on others.  Its also not acceptable for a grown adult to have temper tantrums when things don't go their way.  Its almost like your family is keeping her crippled and dependent. 

     There are plenty of tools available to help her but the nice thing is that as of today, if you are truly ready, it will no longer be your problem.  Even if you have to live with her for a bit more until you can find a place without her, ignore her behavior, be respectful, remember that she is supremely unhappy, but live your life as if she is not there... come and go as you please, have your friends over as you wish, stop doing her homework, etc.  If she starts destroying your property or otherwise becoming violent, call the cops.  Its time she understands natural consequences.

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  • 1 month ago

    My - you do ask a lot of questions! It must be very time consuming. 

    Blow your phone when out? Turn it off!! Now you have finished uni you can find a job hopefully - at least once things are back to "normal" and your own place to live. Why should you want to live with someone who doesn't appreciate you? If she has so many friends, she can go live with one of them. Can't see your boyfriend? Just do it! These are not your children and you are not responsible for them. 

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  • 1 month ago

    If you sister is that bad off she needs to be in a facility of some sort.  I mean seriously, she can't do her OWN housework, is she disabled ( you don't say what he condition is).  It's time to become an adult, and tell her you are going to start doing things and just do them when she pitches a fit, tell her that YOU have a life and maybe if she did more about the house you would feel differently.  

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  • audrey
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You are being used and walked all over! Grow a spine! Say "NO" and mean it. You will die a lonely old spinster living with a cat if you don't. You deserve your OWN life! Live it!

    • car253
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      Absolutely true.   Great post.

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  • Sandy
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    you have to stand up to your mother and sister and tell them exactly what you wrote here. your sister will never stand on her own two feet if you're always there. 

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