How can I forget without forgiving?

Throughout the years I've noticed that I've developed a resentful personality with people that hurt me or hurt people that I love. I never seek for revenge, but I won't ever forget. It can range from betrayal to heartbreak to even my boyfriend's exes. I do not like this aspect of myself because I become obsessed with the thing that hurts me or makes me insecure, and I won't stop thinking about it until I get a resolution from it. 

I really want to learn to 'just forget' like people tell me to do. I want to be able to walk away from a bad situation/person feeling better about myself, but I just turn to a really toxic cycle of resentment. 

How can I truly forget without forgiving? What are some actual tips apart from 'just forgetting'? 

13 Answers

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  • 4 weeks ago
    Favourite answer

    You cannot change what has happened in the past. If you get upset, don't hang out with these people. Out of sight, out of mind.  People are out for themselves, actually we all are. You can be a good person without letting people walk all over you. 

    I would say that you have it in reverse. You should forgive them and yourself and don't forget. Remember and don't repeat the similar situation.

  • 4 weeks ago

    Forgiving and forgetting are two entirely different things! You can forgive but you may not be able to forget unless you get amnesic. The trouble is not with remembering but with remembering without rankling. So long as we fail to forgive, that thorn keeps pricking & pricking!

    I am not sure if you agree with me, forgiving others should begin with forgiving oneself. There are ways - 1) account that mistake/insult/whatever under experience 2) shrug your mental shoulders "what the heck" 3) think of your own well-being - the more you let the wounds raw, the more they bleed 4) keep your ego aside. Most of the time it is not the insult that troubles us, it is that "damned" hurt-ego.

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  • Paul
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    It's not possible.  You can't forget something that is causing you pain. You can't "forget" a headache or a broken toe. You have to heal it in order to stop the pain. And forgiveness is the only means of healing when someone hurts you.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    It's extremely hard to forget about something something when you have a good memory, As for me I sometimes barely remember what am I doing & i even forgot my name one time.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    You've got that wrong. You forgive - but never forget. Because you can bet if the same person doesn't try it again - someone else will come up and try. Not forgetting keeps you a step ahead.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    One way to heal from your syndrome is to think of the people who you perceive to have hurt you as 2-year-olds in pain which will start to develop empathy in you for them. This is not my original idea, but an idea I got from Matt Kahn. It seems to work pretty well for me, at least. Give it a try and see if you get some relief.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Then don't forget. GET EVEN!

  • Jesere
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    You won't forget, however, you can get past it. Forgiveness is for self.  1970 when I was 10 days shy of my 14th birthday,  my father beat my mom to death.  

    I forgave him when he came to say goodbye  to me and my 5 siblings.  I watched 2 of my siblings who didn't forgive our dad have hate eat at them.....making their lives toxic

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    maybe you should get some counseling

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  • Dze
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    try praying for people that bother you ...

    • Random Facts: Pee is stored in the balls

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