Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 1 month ago

93 year old lady’s son still hassles me to visit his mother?

I asked a question on here a few days ago about an old lady’s son who keeps pestering me to visit his old mother (I’m not even related). I took the advice given on here and told him I’ll visit her when I’m able.

I’m 77 and I’ve always gone to visit her out of the goodness of my heart; in fact I’m the one who went the most (we’re neighbours). We have been through lock-down and so no visitors were allowed to see his old mum who is in a home with dementia.

However, now lock down has lifted, her 60 year old son is saying we can go now to visit her, etc. I’ve only just emerged from lock down myself after a very challenging time and want to keep safe myself. Her son has very very mild learning difficulties, but holds down a full-time job well. He leaves messages on my phone about 3 times a week asking him if I’d like to join him visiting his mother, not taking into account my own needs and my own life, etc.

I wrote him a note thanking him for his messages and that I will visit her when is convenient for me. I thought that was the end until last night he left a message saying, “I’m going to visit mum at 3.45pm tomorrow if you’d like to accompany me”. He’s getting too needy and is bullying me now to visit her on his terms. What more can I do? I’ve my own life and health to look after and we’re not even related.

8 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    He is bullying and harassing you, it may be time to be more direct and send one last text and say “thankyou for your offer but I’ll visit when I can.  Please visit your mother without me, am sure she’d love to see you” 

    Ignore any further calls or texts.

    If he does not get the message it may be time to block his number.

    IF.. he happened to turn up at your home, ask him to leave, and call the cops if he does not.

    He is harassing you.

    Ignore him... 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i would just be honest with him

  • mom
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    just tell him that you can not go because of the virus. I still would stay away from nursing homes and hospitals as much as possible. you do not need the virus. block his phone number so he can not call you. she would not even know that you are visiting or not

  • 1 month ago

    My brother did the same to me. He didn't visit her that often but expected/demanded the rest of us did!  Lie and tell him you 'work from home' on your computer and just don't have the time. You will visit - WHEN YOU HAVE THE TIME - but don't know when that will be...

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    As I told you the last time, block his number.  I have a hard time believing the lockdown has been lifted.  I know someone in the nursing home and visitors aren't allowed in yet.

  • Chiaro
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Say "no thank you".  And smile.  Do it more than once if necessary.  Do it forever and ever if necessary.  If it makes you feel foolish or socially inept, be assured he will be the one being more foolish and line-crossing by far.

  • 1 month ago

    "I have lived a long life, and at this juncture, I prefer to do things on my own terms. I will visit your mother when I am ready, and perhaps we can do it together if you promise not to pressure me in the future. I'm sure she would prefer to see you as you are a relative." "Cordially, (your name here)"

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You are under no obligation to go and see this lady with her son or without him. You are your own judge and decide what is right for you. Next time he leaves you a message, keep ignoring him until he gets the message. You have told him once you will go when you are able and he should not have to be told continually and should respect what you are telling him. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

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