Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 1 month ago

No one kissed me goodnight as kid, (unlike normal kids who were kissed by parents) how should this affect me now as adult?

Update:

Have never met anyone who had barely any affection as a kid, but am sure they are around

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  • Edna
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I can't remember my parents ever kissing me good night when I was a kid. (We weren't a "kissing" family). It didn't affect me one bit after I was an adult or when I was still a kid.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    There's no should.  Did you feel safe and secure with your parents?  My family are from not very touchy-feely cultures and my parents were definitely on the not tactile end of the spectrum even by those standards.  They also didn't see the point of saying, "I love you," because to them it was obvious that parents love their children.  My mother to this day genuinely believes that parents who say that are trying to cover something up, lol!  I can't say that it effected me.  When I later met families who hugged and kissed lots I thought they were really weird.  It took me a long while before I realized that my parents were the weirdos.

    Okay, maybe there's one thing.  I don't feel the need to demonstrate my feeling (see how these things are passed down?), but I'm mindful that other people signal their feelings by touch so I've learned which friends require hugs and for neices and nephews with a more tactile parent I've let the kid lead in how much touch they want.  If they hug me I hug them back enthusiasticly instead of brushing them off like my parents do.  If they want to sit in my lap when I read to them then that's how we'll do it.  If they bump themselves I ask if they want me to kiss it better or blow on the hurt.  You get the picture.  On the other hand I've ended up with someone who also came from a low touch family.  We cuddle at night but in the daytime people might be forgiven for thinking that we're roommates.  I'd find living with someone who constantly wants to be patted annoying, but don't think that the depth of feeling isn't there. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I had an emotionally sterile upbringing, now I have horrible anxiety and depression. I’m sure it correlates. Give your kids love and affection, it matters.

  • 1 month ago

    I'm from a European background. People (USUALLY!) who are affectionate by nature. My family moved to Australia when I was little. Having my own kids, I was amazed how many mothers I noticed never kissed or showed their children any affection. My MIL once criticised me for picking up my baby who was just lying on the floor looking so adorable. She was of the opinion you only showed affection to children when they were crying. (!!) Which explain why my kids - even as babies hardly ever cried. They didn't have to!  I think not getting affection as a kid 'hardens' you as an adult. I don't l know if that is good/bad - I'm sure there is an argument for and against. Personally, I don't regret lavishing my children with affection.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    you probably have a hard time kissing a guy now, as kids we kissed our parents goodnight instead, maybe you shouldve tried that

  • 1 month ago

    I  have a friend who had a hard, unloving family background, and when she married it was only a few years before her husband died. She is far from being cold and uncaring herself, rather she is desperate to be liked and loved, and is miserable that her children keep her at a distance. She's very defensive.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    How do you know what "normal parents" do?

  • 1 month ago

    You may possibly have a different understanding of how affection plays a role in your life as an adult, you may not feel affection for others, you may be constantly seeking affection because you were not kissed goodnight as a child.  If you truly feel this has impacted on your adult life, consider seeking professional help.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    No such thing wrong with that. I'm sure there's people like you. This shouldn't affect badly.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You will be messed up and be a cold and uncaring adult.. Good luck with that.

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