Can anyone please help I need advice?

One year ago I had an argument with my sister , we said really hurtful things and I have tried multiple times to say let’s move on and forgiveness is best. The argument occurred last July and last Christmas she was not going to go to our family gathering on Christmas Eve so I talked her boyfriend into them going “ for the kids sake”. She ignored me the entire night and even gave her boyfriend dirty glares for speaking with me!  So, this June was her birthday I sent her a Personalized gift I know she’d like .... not even a text thank you. Now she is talking to other family members about me , I know this because they tell me! She is trying to turn them against me! I am now angry because she is a 52 year old child . I can’t keep saying let’s forgive its toxic. What would you do? 

4 Answers

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    not much you can do but stay away from her

  • Tj
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Forget about it. You had NO rights to talk to boyfriend. Stay out of other peoples lives. Just because you are sisters, does not give you any rights to get into their lives. You went over the line. She is done with you, forget about it, You tried to make up, but she is not ready...leave it be. Stay away from her.

  • 1 month ago

    You don't say how old you are but I'm assuming you and your sister are around the same age?  You say that both of you said really hurtful things to each other.  You have forgiven your sister for the nasty things she said to you - but it seems she hasn't forgiven you for the equally nasty things you said to her.  You don't actually have to 'like' your relatives you know.  You are just stuck with them.  After a year it seems that she wants to keep this family feud going forever so I think you will just have to accept that that is HER decision (sad though it may be) but she's dug herself into a misery-hole and wants to stay there.  So let her.  You have apologised multiple times.  Once is more than enough.  Saying 'let's move on' is fine from your point of view but obviously not from hers.  She doesn't wish to forgive and forget - so that's the cross she's got to bear isn't it.  You've done your best with the Christmas thing which didn't work out at all - so don't try to do it again.  That just caused more misery and for the boyfriend too.  Yes, forgiveness IS best but she doesn't want that.  I think you will just have to accept that that is the way she wants things to be.  I suggest you just get on with your own life from now on.  Be polite and pleasant if you happen to meet at family get-togethers - regardless of how she behaves - but don't get into any soul-searching or've done that already.  Just be pleasant for your host's sake.  Yes, your sister does sound like a 52 year old child - but again, you have to accept it.  You aren't going to change her now are you.  If YOU want to send her birthday cards on her birthday, carry on doing so because that's your choice - but don't do it expecting her to reciprocate because she probably won't.  DON'T keep saying 'let's forgive' because that's just irritating and DON'T try to buy her forgiveness with gifts...because that's childish too.  You have forgiven her so you now have a clear conscience.  She hasn't forgiven you and wants to carry on letting it eat her up.  That's her choice isn't it.  Live and let live.  Get on with your own life.

  • 1 month ago

    I dont think I would do anything.

    You have already tried to resolve. She ignored.

    You offered yet another olive branch in the form of a gift you know she would love. She didnt even have the good manners to thank you.

    You still attended at Christmas, she behaved badly.

    she is STILL behaving badly by trying to turn the family against you

    As it stands, you have the high moral ground, you know that, she knows that, and your family knows that.

    She looks petty, to everyone.

    So, do nothing.

    No more trying but no antagonising, or ignoring her.

    Carry on as if nothing is amiss. Attend family functions, smile and greet her etc

    You tried, the ball is FIRMLY in her her court

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