What do you think of my poem, "Willing Waters?"?

"Willing Waters"

Gentle feathers

Seduce me in the garden

Of Eden

Like monkeys in trees

Fly!

I enjoy the zephyr 

Or perhaps just the breeze

Death in paradise--

Worse than eternities in H3ll.

I'm not sure if I can say what I want to say the synonymy for "hades." Hell. It doesn't work otherwise!

Update:

synonym, sorry, typed too quickly.

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