Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 1 month ago

Is he being honest or a jerk? ?

My “best friend” he went out with our other friend and told me that she was talking a TON of sh*t about me at dinner but the sh*t she told him was true. (According to my best friend) He wouldn’t go into too many details but she told him I have a personality problem, I’m not self sufficient (I’ve been living alone for 14 years) she told him I make up all kinds of drama. (She has MORE drama then anyone I’ve EVER MET.) He said she was giving examples to everyone at the table about me and my personality/drama/not being self sufficient. My best friend then went on to say that “Why do you think in college everyone dropped your a** besides me. I put up with your bullsh*t. I am a high functioning autistic and I’ve come a LONG way from where I was at 21 vs 31. I told him that. I was also unaware of my diagnosis 10 years ago had gotten NO therapy, NO medication nothing so how I acted 10 years ago is DRASTICALLY different then who I am today with therapy and medication. When I told him this he told me “nope you can’t move on from your past and that people don’t actually change and that I have to acknowledge myself for who I am and that I’m a needy, not self sufficient, and drama filled individual.” He’s CONSTANTLY bringing up the friends that “ditched me” in college. I’m REALLY working on myself and it hurts so much to get this kind of feedback. It also hurts to hear my other friend talked so much sh*t about me to a bunch of people at dinner. What would you do? I feel like a failure. 

8 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Get them both out of your life.

  • 1 month ago

    YOU are NOT a failure....I think it's always mean to talk bad about someone behind their is unfair,immature and totally not be hard on yourself about this.....

    Good Luck......

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You need to drop him like a hot potato drop him, your "other friend" and block them from your social media, don't talk to them anymore, cut them out of your life. They shouldn't be surprised, they are jerks, You are not failure if anything they have failed as your "friends" for making you feel like a failure, you are not one, sounds like your "best friend" doesn't care about you and is just trying to make you feel horrible about yourself, don't let him get the best of you, steer clear from him, he's TOXIC

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Quit trollin and get a life!

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  • 1 month ago

    He is likely just being a jerk using the other friend as a scapegoat for his own frustrations with you.  You may want to redefine your relationship as something other than a friendship.

  • 1 month ago

    I don't like the sound of this 'best friend' of yours.  Sounds like he's trying to hurt you deliberately and that is NOT how a friend acts.....let alone a 'best' friend.  Because you have been viewing him as a trusted best friend, you have automatically believed every word he has said.  He has talked (rather nastily by the sound of it) about this other friend of yours - the girl who is supposed to have said all these private things about you at the dinner table.  If I were you, I would privately (not telling the male 'best friend') contact this girlfriend. meet her for a coffee and tell her what someone has told you about this dinner-party and what she is 'supposed' to have said about you.   I'm sure she will put your mind at rest that what you have heard is total fantasy.....or maybe the facts have been twisted in the telling.  The point here is that YOU know what is true and what isn't.  You know you are self sufficient and have been so for 14 years.  Also, if it turns out that this 'best friend' was lying to you just to upset you, you will know that he is NOT  friend at all.  He doesn't sound like one to me.  The girl may or may not be a drama-queen.  This 'friend' of yours may well be telling her (and others) lies about you and what you have said about them.  You don't know.  Find out from this girl first what her side of the story is and then make your own decisions about how close you are going to be with this guy in the future.  Good luck. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    If you can write this question in a totally coherent, grammatically correct fashion, then you're not in as bad as shape as you describe. 

    First of all, show confidence and stop feeding yourself 'victim food'. If you know you have faults, start correcting them... think about it... Do you talk sheit about others? (be honest)

    If you're not working then get involved in civic activities. You may be autistic, but you're not a vegetable. Do whatever it takes to get the *** out of the house and get involved. 

    Apparently, people see you as a weak person... PROVE THEM WRONG!  

  • 1 month ago

    You're being way too hard on yourself. You are not a failure. I would work on becoming a stronger and stronger person every day.* The goal is to become so strong as a person that you're not too concerned about what weak people say, do, or think. You can't control these things anyway - so why get yourself worked about them?

    May I suggest that it's time to put in the effort to find some real friends. 

    A real friend:

    • allows their friend to be themselves, really listens to their friend, and doesn’t share what’s been said

    • can be trusted, supports and helps you, treats you with respect, sticks with you

    • comes and talks with you as soon as possible when there’s a problem in the friendship

    • never encourages you to make a bad choice

    • encourages you to make a good choice - even when weak people are encouraging you to make a bad choice

    • tells you what you need to hear even though you don’t want to hear it

    • is willing to forgive you when you mess up

    • understands that friendships change and can accept those changes after talking it out

    *A strong person has good character (honesty, integrity, trustworthiness), displays a positive attitude (cheerful, caring, friendly, forgiving, helpful, and respectful), fulfills their responsibilities (for handling pains in a positive way, for always trying to make a good choice, for taking care of themselves, for serving others), gives their best effort, and demonstrates self-control (of their body, anger, mouth and money).

    Best wishes!

    Source(s): True Love Lasts - written with a character emphasis for teens through young adults, Straight Talk About Dating - written with a Christian emphasis for ages 20 and up
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