Boyfriends Moms Ashes?

My boyfriend's mother passed away of Breast Cancer 5 years ago. Her dying wish was to have her ashes spread into the ocean by her family. 5 years later today these ashes have not been spread and are sitting in my closet as a constant reminder to my boyfriend of his mother and her death. He wants to spread the ashes and have the closure he needs and has had therapy and decided this is what needs to happen, but his father and sister keep putting it off. He will make a date and they will always cancel. The father has a new girlfriend that forced him to put away all pictures of his deceased wife and her belongings and I think she might be a big part of why this hasn't happened yet. His excuse is that his boat needs repairs and I always say that it doeant have to be deep sea just head to a nice bay or bridge over the ocean.

I am just going to ask his sister to take the ashes if they are not going to spread them I think. Unless you all have another idea?

19 Answers

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  • Jane
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    My mother's ashes were spread at the shoreline of her favourite beach, where we were also able to place a small bronze plaque on a nearby pier in her memory. Every year on her birthday, my eldest sister who lives close by, gives a bunch of daffodils to the sea for her. Your bf should just go for it, his father will also appreciate the closure even though he now has a new partner.

  • 1 month ago

    You do not need to use a boat for this purpose. I know of several people who have gone to a shoreline and spread the ashes in the water on an outgoing tide. Your boyfriend should inform his dad and sister as to the date, time and location where this will happen and, should they not show, they'll be the ones disrespecting her last wish.

  • art
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    you could suggest flushing them down the toilet - they will make it to the sea

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i would ask his sister to take them

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  • Good
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    You do not ask his sister to take anything. 

    That is not a decision that is yours to make. 

    Your boyfriend needs to announce a time

    and date six months in advance of when it's

    going to be done.  No excuses for anyone

    not to make plans to be there given a notice

    of six months.  Then, he needs to just do it.

    No matter what anyone else says, he needs

    to do it then.  That will settle it and give

    closure to those who need it.  Anyone not

    there, too bad for them.  They had plenty of

    time to make sure they could be there.

    .

  • car253
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You can suggest your boyfriend set a date and sent invitations out for the event of spreading the ashes.   Whoever wants can show up or not.     But the choice to do anything is your boyfriends.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Survivors sometimes argue about this for decades before doing anything about it. But what is for sure is that this is your boyfriend's battle, not yours. As his non marital partner you're not part of this family and your trying to get involved at all is only going to lead to hostility and resentment.  

  • 1 month ago

    The current girlfriend should be happy to get rid of the ashes & not have them in her house anymore.  Can your boyfriend & his sister deal with the ashes themselves.  His dad needs the closure of spreading the ashes, too.  Sounds like new girlfriend is jealous of a dead woman.  Is the father being henpecked by new girlfriend?  If the sister can get them, I think she should & follow through with what the mother wanted.

  • Strand
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Your boyfriend is the one who was entrusted with her ashes. This is entirely his decision and it is his responsibility to handle his family. You have no say in the matter and it isn't your place to speak to his sister about this. You can give him your opinion and encourage him to follow through with his therapist's advice, but this is a discussion you only need to have once. Say your piece and drop it.

  • 1 month ago

    If the dad has a new woman it isn't that unusual that she might not want to live with pics or memories of his late wife around. I think you should definitely move the ashes to the sister. Or failing that tell them both that your boyfriend is going to scatter them and they can be there for that or not and do it!

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