Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 4 weeks ago

Recently became a step-parent. I can not stand my stepchild or his mother. Please!!! I am at my wits end. ?

My stepson is not my husbands biological child. He was briefly married to his biological mom and when they divorced, she said she didn’t want her kid and gave up her rights to my husband. No idea who his biological dad is...and her other 4 kids are scattered to the wind also. My husband and I just married 10 months ago, and we had a long distance relationship for the most part, so what I knew of the kid seemed fine. When my daughter and I moved here, and we married, things were okay for a few months. Around May, after all this virus crap started, my stepson was supposed to got to Texas with his mom. He and my husband started fighting (he’s 14 but thinks he’s 25 and is the most disrespectful thing I’ve ever met) and we thought it would be a good break for all of us. 

But she called, turns out she got hooked on meth. Stepson couldn’t go. This kid turned into an even bigger monster. He screams at me. Cussed at me. Throws things at me. Calls my 13 year old every name under the sun. Doesn’t listen to ANYTHING I say. Does not clean up after himself WHATSOEVER. My husband does nothing because he’s gone all night at work and sleeps all day. He doesn’t believe what I go through with this kid. If I ask him my husband to help, he just says “I know you don’t like him,” and then we fight. Mom showed up in town about 3 months ago. She shows up whenever she can scrape together money, takes the kid out to eat. Drops him off. I DO EVERYTHING FOR THIS KID and get absolutely **** on in return. 

13 Answers

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    If you can't work things out you need to consider your daughter.   It is possible he is on drugs too since his mother is.  

  • 4 weeks ago

    I fully understand where you are coming from on the disrespect. It's not fair that you do everything and he feels entitled to treat you anyway he chooses. There are not consequences. Until there is, this will continue. I went through the same with my 2 step children. Their father did not discipline them. He wanted to be the friend while I was the disciplinarian. Not fair and it backfired. Their mother was also on drugs & going from one unzipped pair of pants to another. Record these actions. Hold your phone as if you are just holding it. Make sure the video is recording. I have a case that folds over the top of my phone so no one can see what is on the screen. A recording will show him how you are being treated. If things don't change, you are gone. No matter how much you adore your husband, you are worth better. You don't deserve this treatment & will not continue to take it anymore. So, the ultimatum is, fix it or you will with bags in tow. I hate giving ultimatums, but there are times in life we have to. Mainly to preserve what little we still have of ourselves.

    How did my two stop all this with me? A hard, horrible lesson I pray you NEVER go through. My husband was killed in a head on collision. Afterwards, they both continued to treat me like they had been until I had had enough and called a "Come to Jesus" meeting. I had backup to keep the peace since they both ganged up on me all the time. When the oldest said that I chose to take care of both of them, yada, yada, I came back and told them that all legal obligations on taking care of either of them ended the day he died. Therefore, they will follow the rules in MY house or there's the door. That set them back so far, they have done a complete 180.

  • 4 weeks ago

    If you expect to get something in return for your being a mom, then that is part of the problem.  This isn't your kid, not your responsibility.   It's your husband's.   You are doing what a mom should do and expect the benefits of being a mom.   Your not this kid's mom.  

  • 4 weeks ago

    I'm also a step mom. It's often a rather thankless job. I was in their lives for about 8 years before my stepsons began to be openly glad I was in their lives. Up until then, they treated me like I was probably going to go away. However, i knew those kids for 5 years before we got married. Knew their Dad for 5 years before we got married. I was very well informed of the job ahead of me. And it's paid off! But there were some very rough years. As I recall, the age of 14 was a nightmare. You wed a man you didn't know well and with a child you didn't know at all. Those were tough choices! Doesn't sound like you made good choices either. You can't call out an ultimatum here. He has an obligation to his son that won't go away for at least 4 more years. And your daughter is in harm's way.  Hasty choices were made. I think I'd choose my daughter. 

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  • MissA
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    If you can't stand your stepchild then you need to move on from this relationship.  Like it or not his kids (biological or otherwise) are going to be part of his life until he dies.

  • 4 weeks ago

    This is a situation that takes work and time.

    Don't know what you mean when you say you do everything for him. Maybe you should stop giving him everything.

     Provide him with food, shelter and clothing (which you should budget extravagant costs)   Everything else is a privilege. video games etc. He can earn game time by doing chores.    The key is not to get emotional or into shouting matches.

    Ultimately you need to build a rapport with him.

    Good luck.

  • 4 weeks ago

    You knew this child existed and took on the job.  If you can't handle it and his father is of no help, LEAVE, get a divorce and move on.

  • 4 weeks ago

    Sounds pretty awful, but what are you asking us? How exactly can WE help you in this situation?

  • Embery
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago

    Put a hit on the kid, problem solved.

  • T J
    Lv 6
    4 weeks ago

    You know where this is heading, so just get the divorce and move on. It will not get better, only get worse. Get out of this mess now.

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