Would you rather (A) or (B)?

Take a pick. Would you (A) rather spend days and weeks pulling down recipes, going through your fridge or cabinet looking to see what you have compared to have what you need, countless trips to the grocery store to get those last minute things then going back to the store because you think of something else you want to fix to round off the meal. Chopping all the veggies, standing over a hot stove with several pots stewing and one or two things in the oven. Timing everything out to make sure everything is done around the same time. OR, (B) taking a few hours after everyone is done to wash some dishes and put a few things away?

I'm cooking the entire Thanksgiving dinner this year and the wife is not doing a thing.  She feels that since I cooked everything she's not going to clean anything up afterwards.  According to her since she didn't decide to make all those dishes she's not obligated to clean anything.  Is this selfish on her part?


@ Jerry

The wife isn't cooking anything either because she doesn't like standing over a stove that long.  That takes away from her sitting on Facebook looking at everyone's status updates or hosting some online BINGO game.  I guess it was a mutual agreement.  She knows I love cooking and I know she hates cleaning.


Update 2:

@ God

I can't remember when the last time I had a BJ. Picture the old bait and switch. You get all those things before marriage but after the wedding those things get cut off. However, I'm still expected to go down and pleasure her that way.

Update 3:

@ David

You're right.  I guess since WE didn't come to this agreement then I'M the one stuck with cooking and cleaning.  Even though WE decided that WE would have our kids over for a smaller gathering instead of joining in with HER family with almost 20 people there.  (SARCASM)

13 Answers

  • 2 months ago

    None of the above

  • 2 months ago

    She’s definitely being selfish, she’s not obligated to do any cleaning... but assuming you’re BOTH hosting this get together, then she really isn’t doing her part. I just think it should be natural when you see your partner doing a lot of work, you want to help make things easier on them 

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    The only viable excuse for her feelings are if she didn't think it was necessary to do all this cooking in the first place. If you're like some of us and have had Thanksgiving cancelled by your state health dept. it remains a possibility to just not cook some huge meal. 

  • 2 months ago

    Sounds like you are taking on a new task? Deciding to tackle culinary excellence without the background to support it? It's Covid-19 in my neck of the woods too. My shopping for Thanksgiving done. Whatever I don't already have, I'll wing because there are stables in my kitchen. My prep will happen Thanksgiving morning. And I'll likely make a pie tomorrow.  I wash as I go because, well, that's how it's done unless you plan to tackle a huge job at the end of the meal. Not once in 35 years have I gotten in a fight with my spouse days before the event about who is doing the dishes! Your sarcasm and need to continue your superiority might be contributing to the destruction of respect in your household. 

    As incredibly aggravating as it can be, and I know it can be incredibly aggravating, if someone just wants a sandwich.. they just want a sandwich and not an hour and a half in the kitchen cleaning up someone else's dream meal. It is traditional for all guests to bring a dish to support the meal. Utilize that tradition! Let your kids/guests participate in contributing food! They can run down to the store today if need be. 

    After the meal, ask for everyone's help cleaning up. At least clearing the table and scrapping the plates. Put a little water in the dirty pans and stick them in the (now cold) oven and relax with your family for awhile. Give thanks for having family. 

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  • a
    Lv 4
    2 months ago

    Experienced cooks will multitask, make fewer trips, and have a pretty good idea of what's in the pantry. People experienced in this have their can't fail recipes that have been used for years. You're making it more complicated than it has to be. You're also heaping work on yourself by not asking the 'kids' coming over to bring a side dish, or help clean up.

    My partner is like you: he *wants* a lot of things, "it isn't _______ if we don't have X, X-squared, Y, Z, A, B, C, C-prime, The tangent of D," and on and on. If there are no cinnamon candies to sprinkle on top of the apple pie, I won't go out for them. If I don't have the brown sugar or enough butter for the crumb topping, guess what? It's a two crust pie instead. Learned my lesson with holiday #1 we spent together: he mentioned, at least twice a day for a month he NEEDED a shrimp cocktail platter for appetizers. In all his trips he forgot to get it and begged me to pick one up. I did. He #1: forgot to put it out and #2: refused to eat it after because "it was for Christmas."

    ME: Roast a turkey. We'll have potatoes, squash, a green vegetable, and one dessert.

    Your wife and kids are pills for not helping.

  • 2 months ago

    Hell nah, it you made everything she should put in her part. Marriage is 50/50. What your working with rn sounds like 90/10 you doing all the cooking(90) shes doing all the eating(10) 😂 but in all seriousness, in my opinion it sounds very very selfish 

  • 2 months ago

    She's needs a kicking.

  • David
    Lv 6
    2 months ago


    Here's the part of the equation you are missing.  You don't have to do days and weeks of prep work to cook all day.  Your wife isn't interested in doing that at all.  She is wise enough to LET her husband do that crazy huge meal with all the trimmings type deal...because apparently that's what he wants to do.  But just because you choose to make a huge mess does not obligate your wife to clean it up.

    If SHE wanted to make a big deal out of making a huge meal, then she would help with the planning, the errands, the cooking, the cleaning...she would be right there with you.  But she has made it clear that this huge spread is YOUR project.  So you inherit the whole project...and the work's not done until the cleanup is done.  

    Think of it this way.  Imagine you told your wife that you wanted to build a new dining room table.  So you go to HOME depot and buy lots of wood and some tools that you don't already own.  You spend a couple of days in the garage cutting and drilling and sanding and varnishing.  When the table is done, you move the table into the dining room.  Then you tell your wife that she needs to spend a few hours cleaning out the garage that has wood chips, sawdust and paint splatters everywhere.  Is that fair to her?   

    I should add, there is another way to look at this.  This sounds like it is totally your baby, like a one-sided decision.  If you had bothered to ASK your wife what she wanted to do...

    I bet she'd be just as happy to order take-out Chinese instead...AND she would be happy to help you throw the garbage in the bin after you eat.

    Or maybe delivery pizza is more to her liking?  One thing's for sure...she is NOT interested in YOUR plan.... 


    OK, to edit, and comment on your sarcastic comment...if the two of you decided to have the kids over, that still does not mean that she wanted you to spend days cooking an elaborate 20-course meal for everybody.  That is your (the husband's) idea.  If you want to go that route, great...but it's not right to expect her to help with something YOU are insisting on doing that she's not even interested in.  

    There are people who would say that if she EATS the food, then she should help clean up the mess.  WRONG.  First, she has made it clear that she doesn't care about the food.  But as you are cooking an elaborate meal and she needs to eat anyway...

    OF COURSE she is going to eat the meal that you prepared.  If she didn't at least sample some of the food you prepared, then that would be RUDE of her.  But the fact that she's going to be polite by eating the food you prepare does not obligate her to help you clean up the mess.

    You two seem to have been on the same page when you chose to have the kids over.  But then you struck off on your own tangent, insisting on doing something that she wasn't interested in.

    She is letting you do what you want to, and not complaining about it.  That is all that's really required of her.

  • God
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I hope you are getting your fill of BJ's for a year.

  • 2 months ago

    B for me.

    I assume she's eating what you're making, right? Yeah, I don't understand her logic. Stuff like this is why I hate social meal gatherings. Sometimes you need to stop doling out responsibility and just help out out of courtesy. 

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