I am my husbands caregiver and I'm sick of it. ?

Me and my husband use to have a normal relationship until it started becoming one sided. He only cares for himself. He doesn't do anything on his own and hes reliant on me. He doesn't want to clean, cook or do anything around the house. He doesn't even clean up after himself. He tosses everything on the floors and relies on me to pick it up. Before this pandemic started, he was jobless for 8 months and kept making excuses. The only reason he started working is because I started nagging at him to get out and do something. Whenever we get into an argument, he says that this is his house and I should get out of it. I'm the one maintaining everything in it. Hes filled with excuses and lies and I'm honestly tired of it. We both work and after work, I'm the one who goes straight into the kitchen to cook and he goes straight to the couch to lay down and never wants to get up after or help with any dishes or do anything at all. Whenever he needs something, he will text me or give me a phone call so I can come from whatever I'm doing to cater to him. Hes lazy, filled with excuses and lies way too much. He doesn't even care about me at all. He use to be there for me at the start, and now it's gone. I do care about him but I no longer love him. I tried to love him but it's not working and I'm scared of breaking his heart because hes been through a lot. He lost his mother at a young age and he use to get abused by his father. Should I still get a divorce? Or is he ever going to change?

Update:

@Sarah 

We both make money. I do not want to be with someone just because they can provide with me or for me. I want to be with someone mature and more loving towards me. Money is the last thing I'm worried about. I can literally just get a roommate for that. I'm just facing a difficult time with my husband who makes things very hard on himself.

41 Answers

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  • 2 months ago

    Men this is why you dont get married as long as women are taking more than they give they stay in.  The moment the man has a problem its every man for himself shes slaps him with divorce rape, clearly he had a problem and needs help she could care less nothing is in it for her.

    Its as I always say the moment she is not happy bam divorce rape.

  • 2 months ago

    Every person is responsible for their own life and attitude. Sometimes we need to be selfish, to find the happiness we deserve. If he wants to be a bum, then let him be a bum without you. If you are unhappy, then that is the first sign to leave. I know it will hurt him, but nothing will change if you just stay in these patterns of emotional abuse. 

  • keerok
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    It's his house. Get out now, fast. Before he changes his mind and tie you to a post.

  • 2 months ago

    Have you even approached the idea of getting your husband medical help? It sounds to me like he's in the throes of a deep depression. That requires medical assistance. You can't nag someone out of this. You're enabling his bad behavior, but you're also not doing anything to make him get up and go to a doctor, where he might be diagnosed and medicated to get out of this. 

    Once you at LEAST do that, then go ahead and begin your divorce proceedings. At least then you'll know you did everything you could to HELP him and not merely complain. 

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  • 2 months ago

    That is a decision only you can make, as you will have to live with the results

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    It is his house, but it is also your house. 

    He is lazy because you do everything for him, so what is his motivation to change? Why not make an excuse to visit your "sick" mother for ten days and see how he copes? If that doesn't make him appreciate you, maybe your relationship has run its course and you should separate. See a lawyer.

    Good Luck!

    Source(s): Coach@jamforlife.co.uk
  • 2 months ago

    You would be better off to cut your loss and move on, he won't ever be the guy you want.

  • sarah
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    he is never going to change.  I would say if he does not work, get a divorce.  But if he is holding down a job, paying the bills and contributing to the family then he gets to stay and you need to chill out and think what would I do without his check?  HOw would I live if he was gone?  Try to make it work before just seeing the bad things.  My sister kicked her husband out and she later regretted it.  She hardly had any money to live on and had to get a job herself and work all the  time.  She said, I wish I would have been better to hijm and saved my marriage.

  • ?
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    He is the man, make him a sandwich and get him a beer then be quiet.

  • 2 months ago

    I was expecting you to say he had some sort of medical episode that warranted this. However, you mention nothing, so he is just using you as a maid.

    Whether you stay or go is entirely up to you.

    Many would cut their losses now and go.

    If you wish to at least try and rectify, make a plan, sort out exactly what you want and a time frame for this to happen or you DO go, and already have plans in place for where.

    He sounds like a giant man child with no respect for you, change is possible but it wont be easy

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