Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

How smart is it to develop close friendship with a person of the opposite sex if both of you are married? Is it time to distance myself?

I'm friend with a guy, and we're both married. This friendship is growing stronger for last 3 years. We talk about everything (family, spouses, childhood, future, work...), we have great laugh together. We text every day at least once a day. Most of our interaction is playful. We joke about sex and share dirty jokes. 

Now he started to use words of endearment and pet names for me and I know he is not man of that kind of talk. Even with his kids, he shows love like a bear :D

I never heard him sweet talk to his own wife. He said he doesn't have a need to prove his love for her in front of others with PDA. Ok I understand that, but as every woman, I love when my husband put his arm around my shoulder and kiss my head or forehead. I feel special then. I know his wife is craving for his attention(she told me herself many times).

I don't expect or wish anything more then friendship with him and I don't think he is interested for anything beyond friendship either. I still ask myself how smart is it to let this friendship get so close and has it gone too far already?

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  • 2 months ago

    Yeah, you better back off from this friendship, for a bit. Might be nothing, but he may be getting some "ideas" into his head.

  • 2 months ago

    It's not very smart when you talk about sex. You better start withdrawing from him ot else you may find him coming onto you.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Sometimes this is fine and sometimes it isn't.  The answer lies in how honest you can be with yourself.  For example, when you say you don't "want anything more than friendship with him", is this fully true?   If it's fully true, why are you asking if it's gone too far already?  The other thing you need to be honest about is whether or not you're picking up on signs from him that he DOES want more.  If that's the case, and you're as close as you claim to be, you already should have talked to him about this.  In a very close friendship, people should be able to talk about anything.  

    Another clue I picked up on is with the PDA stuff.  If his wife is talking to you about wanting more affection from him, this seems to cross a boundary of sorts.  Does she know you and him talk about this, too?

    Remember, cheating is defined as anything you wouldn't do or say in front of your spouse.  How much does your husband know about the texting, etc?  If he's blind to a lot of it, you are playing a very risky game, because you're getting adapted to hiding parts of this friendship from him.  When this happens, it's easier to hide more and more things. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Yeah, that’s pretty messed up. It’s def not okay to have close friends of the opposite sèx, unless they’re gay. Especially to this degree.  You’re already cheating on your husband emotionally. 

    If you’re a good person, put an end to it asap.  If you’re a worldly person that doesn’t care about marriage and morals, do what you want..  

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    The desire for that meat will overcome you one day. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    In your case it's not smart and it's gone too far. Why is he sweet talking you and giving you attention when he has a wife who's craving it? Did you bring this up with him?

    Ask yourself this, would you be talking like this to a female friend? Would a straight female friend be talking to you like he is talking to you? Do you know 100% that his wife and your husband would have no problem with what the two of you are writing to each other? If you can answer no to any of these questions, then you can probably assume that you've gone beyond the just friendship barrier.

    I have a close male friend and we also talk about everything, but there's no flirting, no innuendos, nothing. He does occasionally call me a nickname, but it's one everyone used to call me in school when we were teens. My husband and his girlfriend could scroll through our emails, listen in on conversations, and not find any reason for concern (because there isn't any).

  • tony
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    dont be a home wrecker.how would u feel if his wife was doing same as u 2 but with ur man.Ultimately, your marriage is a tool God wants to use to draw you closer to Him. That is what adultery is-not just LOVING a married man, but allowing that love to cross the line into a sexual connection.

    You might not be the first. If he doesn’t seem to have any real intention of leaving his wife for..

  • 2 months ago

    A good many years back, I found myself in a similar situation except I was the guy. I developed a very close friendship with a neighbor who was my wife's best friend. We were like a trio of best friends and extremely close in a friendly way. One day things changed and I jokingly suggested a little more than friendship. Her response was such that we had a very heavy 2-year affair. It can happen almost instantly. I'd inform him that sexual jokes and a relationship is out of the question and hope he accepts your choice. In my case, we mutually agreed to end the relationship due to feelings of guilt and remained friendly afterward until she moved to another community.

  • Helen
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    If neither of you see each other that way, then there's really no issue. But are you being honest with yourself?

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Proceed with caution! Daily texting a married man is not appropriate, and one thing often leads to another. Meet up as a foursome if you have to meet.

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