My husband left me for his mistress and now he has said he wants to come back to me.?

My husband of 30 years left me for his mistress back in November. They had an 8 year relationship. At the time we had gone to Panama for the winter and planned to stay until April. I caught him talking to her on his iPad and he confessed he was in love with her. He was supposed to let her go. I found out about the affair last summer and he vowed it was over and he promised to work on our marriage. We decided to go away for six months to work on things. Going to Panama was our way of starting over and leaving the past behind, just him and I. After he confessed their relationship was still going on, I told him I guess there is nothing to work out from here on in and he booked a flight back to Canada the following week. I stayed in Panama in the house we have rented. He was gone for almost 2 months and lived with her. Now he is back in Panama. He just arrived today. He told me he is not with her anymore, that she found it hard to trust him, and that he felt guilty for hurting me and his family. She did not think he was committed to her and that he had just left me and did not have any time to process the end of his marriage and she sensed he was having issues. Also, he said because of Covid and lockdown they were stuck in a small condo, unable to live life. He was only with her for 2 months and bailed on her. He bailed on me too. He told me he is getting therapy and hopes to work things out with me. But can I trust he won't go back to her again?

Update:

My husband left his mistress. She did not leave him. 

13 Answers

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  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    You found out about his eight year affair last summer, he swore it was over. That turned out to be a lie. Not only was it not over, he actually left you to go be with her. And after spending some actual time with her instead of just having the occasional tryst, he realized that while he likes having sex with her, he doesn’t want to actually live with her full time. And now he wants to run back to you. Please have the self respect not to let him. You deserve to be treated so much better than this. And you deserve to have a man who views you as more than just the safe spot to retreat to. Whether or not he goes back to her, he has proven again and again that you can’t trust or believe him. I’d wish him the best of luck with his therapy and file for divorce.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    He had an 8 long year affair, and left you...and you want to know if you can trust him. Lol....the simple answer is no. 

  • andy
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    I would not bother he is not worth it

  • 1 month ago

    Your husband is a liar and a cheater. Why would you trust him now? There have been instances in which someone had an affair, was discovered or confessed, swore never to do it again, and lived up to their promise. But this doesn't sound like one of those situations. Your husband appears to have little character or ethics. I wouldn't trust him again.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    After an 8 year affair, and confusion about who he wants to be with, I'd say it's time for you to move on.  Things didn't work out with her because she finally woke up and realized he wasn't fully committed to her, and you're still around so he comes back to you.  Typical of many affairs where the guy has two women, but he doesn't want to go through the hassle of divorce, so he hangs onto you as a backup.  No, you can't trust him again.  If it's not her it will be someone else.  Leave him for good and start a new life for yourself.  You'll be glad you did.

  • 1 month ago

    He now knows from experience that you will accept his philandering & still allow him to return to the safety & security of your arms.

    He has spent enough time with his former crush for her to discover his true nature so  she ran him off & sent him back home to you.

    Now that he knows from experience you will put up with such disloyalty & blatant cheating he will soon find another crush & repeat the performance.

    My magic 8 ball sees more trouble ahead if you stay connected to this worm.

  • 1 month ago

    No, you can not trust that he will not leave again.  Tell him that if he wants back into your life you can casually date for four years or so. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    See a therapist and work this out with him or her.

    Posting long stories here isn't a good way to get help.  People tend not to want to read them, there are always too many details to address, and we don't personally know the parties involved.  It's impossible for us to say whether a man we've never met in our lives can be trusted not to go back to his mistress.

    You should think seriously about couples counseling as well as individual therapy.

  • 1 month ago

    This is much to big a question to ask in yahoo answers .....

    Speak to a professional 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    He doesn’t know what he wants. You can’t trust he won’t go back to her agai . That’s bull! What an *******. And they broke up because she wanted it to be over? Umm no thanks. Either way don’t take him back. Have some dignity !!

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