How do I stop being so shy and caring what other people think?

Question

I’m tired of feeling like it’s hard to express myself and I want to actually be comfortable being myself. How do I overcome this? I feel like it holds me back in several aspects of my life and I don’t want it to be like this anymore. 

Answer 1

Favourite answer

There's no easy answer to this one. It is really an individual experience thing and some cause & effect thinking may be the best way to start.

I'm no psychologist but have considerable experience in the field-albeit not primarily with the shy. Just the opposite, in fact, as felons and other violent people are rarely shy.

However, I have become shy in certain respects in various ways in recent years and am working to overcome it.

     Part of it has been a violent and traumatic past which I kept private for most of my life but eventually overflowed and spilled out. I became compelled to tell the story and some found it alienating.

     In my case, it helped to start writing about things-again. This gave me an opportunity to examine the reasons I was so reticent for so many years.

     Second, I began striking up conversations with strangers, starting with innocuous conversations with retail associates and clerks. Generally complimentary or funny rather than run-of-the-mill comments about the weather-although that might be the entre to an entertaining story or comment about the individual's skill at his or her job, or something else notable about them.

     Third-and I am still working on this-is focusing on the other perso by asking questions rather than going off on a tangent about myself.

This approach may seem counter to the very concept of shyness & my own personality but it has helped me after a devastating series of events lead to the loss of my own sense of well-being, self esteem and ultimately physical health that left me grim, uncommunicative & whip-sawed by other people.

When I decided to retake control of my own life and destiny it opened a door-I began to think about the joyous moments in my life & used memories of those moments to spark a smile when around others.

This has had tremendous benefits and I now have new friendships and aquaintences tjat are mutually beneficial-sometimes sparked by lending a stranger a helping hand in a parking lit by doing something as simple as picking up something they had dropped.

Is what worked for me a universal solution? Of course not-but if elements of what I tried seem like things that would work for others, it would be pleasing to think that my own story might have helped others.

Answer 2

One day just put it in your head.

And start acting like it today.

Answer 3

The story you tell yourself about yourself needs revision.

Answer 4

shyness is actually a good thing, it's a lot better than being one of those loud an annoying people