Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

should i play it safe and stay with my husband who has always been a stable aspect of my life or go for the man whom i have more in common?

I dont want to end up making a huge mistake. I could really use some advice so can everyone please give me the best advice on what you would do if you were in my shoes. I've been chatting with a guy friend of mines for about 7 months. I've been married for 5. I'm 29. My husband is 37. I never realized how well me and my guy friend's personality meshed so well together until recently. I've known him for about 11 years but we just recently started texting when i came across him in the store one day we just reconnected in that way . we aren't getting physical don't worry! but i am kind of falling for the other guy and i find myself thinking about him way more than i think about my husband. he doesn't know im falling for him i would never act on my feelings while i'm married but it's just crazy how my male friend is literally the same person as me. sometimes we even complete each other's sentences. We are both wild, adventurous, love to travel, love to talk, we both love romance, we both don't take life too seriously, and we both have an amazing sense of humor, We both love fashion, we both love lavish things spending money lol,  we share the same religion, we both have the same viewpoints on kids, both of us have successful careers as engineers. we are both carefree and creative and light hearted people. 

my husband is stubborn, strict, and stuck in his ways. he is much more frugral with money than i am. we do share share the same values when it comes to the kids thing though


neither of us are huge party animals but I still love to explore new places and try new things. He is content with the mundane everyday routine. He said a while ago he wanted to travel with me but it's never happened. I think throughout our entire marriage we only went on one trip together and it was like only an hour away. I believe that traveling with your partner increases closeness and intimacy. and its something i crave. I travel with my sisters and friends a lot but its not the same 

Update 2:

I also love to talk. I never run out of things to talk about. my favorite way to express myself is through art and communication.  I've felt like i've had to play small and talk less than what i prefer because my husband gets annoyed when i talk a lot. often saying things like "lets just have quiet time." that hurts my feelings because we both work a lot so when we come home i want that quality time 

Update 3:

We have movie night every two weeks and we watch the bachelor on weekends but seems like he's not really interested in me to be honest.

Update 4:

I will say my husband is very stable in the sense that i've never had to worry about his loyalty or him stepping out on me. I never have to worry about where he's at or who he's with because he always lets me know things. He keeps his word if he says he will do something. hes very protective of me and he always looks out for my safety.  I have depression and anxiety and he was the first to call all over the city for the best therapists for me. he is stable in that sense. 

Update 5:

I feel like i'm so comfortable with my husband but deep down this guy might be a better match. Just don't want to make a huge mistake because my husband has been there literally through sickness and health, the darkest times of my life

21 Answers

  • Have you REALLY talked about it to your husband how you REALLY feel?

    Marriages can be worked on, professional help (ei marriage counselor, therapist) is a must I think. Before you make a rash decision, talk to him. From what you say he sounds like a really great guy. I don't agree with some of the negative comments, you are a human being after all and are allowed to your own feelings, but you need to talk to your husband about this, especially that you said that you don't think he seems interested in your anymore, but maybe he doesn't see or know what he's doing or not doing affects you so much. Maybe he's fallen in the pattern of routine and it's become his normal and your normal and doesn't even know something is wrong!

    The woman talking about "For Better Or Worse", well this is your "For Worse", and maybe your husband needs to be there for you emotionally? I added emotionally because he seems like a guy who will fight tooth and nail to help you when you need it, but maybe you need him to "be with you" when "he's with you" and not more like "roommates". By talking maybe you can rekindle that lost flame he doesn't know has gone out? Communication and honesty is key, ALWAYS :)Forget the other guy, at least until you have talked to your husband and see the outcome (and like other people said - This guy is new, so it's normal to feel a vitality, energy, butterflies in stomach, but would it last?). And please, be courteous, respectful, don't yell, yelling accomplishes nothing, and maybe expect your husband to tell you things that maybe you do or don't do that maybe pushed him away, etc? Ask him also, have I done something, or is there something I don't do enough, etc. And listen to him. There are 2 people in a relationship.  ❤️ 

    Oh and lastly, being frugal isn't a bad quality, being good with your money helps your financial future, but I believe you need to live your life while you can too, but spending lavishly isn't that smart either, you don't want to end up broke because you've been living like a YOLO like ALL of the time, ALL of your life. A little is ok, so talk to your husband about that too, maybe you 2 can make a concession, you put some money aside, etc and live a little less YOLO, and your husband spends a little more, and actually do things with you outside the house. I myself try to spend money more on experiences than have too many matertial things that just clutter up the house anyways!!

  • 1 month ago

    The other guy is just filling the void in your relationship. Just because he is like that now doesn't mean he won't change later on. It's the excitement, someone to talk with and the attention. Sometimes grass is not always greener or the other side.  Then you wish you would have stayed with your husband. 

  • 1 month ago

    You can write as much as you want here about how great the other guy is, the only you don't write is that you are cheating on your husband emotionally.  I think you should come clean with the one you vowed to be true to and let him decide if he still wants to have a life with YOU.  You sound so pathetic choosing your husband's money over what you profess to be love for another.  I hope your husband finds true love with someone else.

  • 1 month ago

    This guy you’re talking to sounds great, but how do you know that’s still going to be the case after a few more months? You haven’t been talking long enough to know if he’s a better match. What if you divorce your husband, and then your friend turns out to be someone you don’t want in your life? Trellis your husband what’s important to you, what you want/expect. If after several months he’s made no effort to meet your expectations then you’re justified in wanting a divorce 

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  • 1 month ago

    It is too late.  You have already made a huge mistake for "thinking" like this.  Instead of making your marriage into the envy of everyone you have neglected it and have failed to capitalize on the opportunities it provides.  The more you dwell on adultery the worse the problem gets.

  • 1 month ago

    Did you marry your current husband for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?  Divorce him and get kicked in the *** by Karma.   It won't be pretty.

  • 1 month ago

    Stay with your husband.  Work on your marriage.  Pray about it.  Cut off all contact with the new guy.  

    Source(s): The New Testament (recommended reading)
  • 1 month ago

    You are the flake in this marriage, however, you are the one looking for greener pastured. My advice to you is to leave your husband immediately so he can rebuild his life with someone else.

  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You’ve already made at least one huge mistake, and that’s getting involved with the other guy to the point you’ve let yourself develop feelings for him. You may have made a huge mistake in marrying your husband, I don’t know about that, it the way you describe him is less than positive. If you aren’t happy with your marriage, then you either decide if you want to work on it or you want to end it. If you want to work on it, then you do so with the help of a professional therapist and you likely cut this other guy out of your life completely. If you want to end it then you inform your husband and file for divorce. Only after that do you even consider taking up with the new guy.

    I’m curious though, were you unhappy in your marriage before you started regularly talking with this other guy, or have your feelings of dissatisfaction only really come up in the past 7 months? Also, from a statistical standpoint, only about 3-5% of affairs end in marriage (and this sounds like you’re having an emotional affair with this guy, just because it hasn’t gotten physical yet doesn’t mean it isn’t an affair), and the vast majority of those marriages don’t make it past the two year mark.

  • 1 month ago

    You only have one life. If you don't love your husband anymore, and think you can make a life with your friend, go for it. But be honest with your husband about it. He deserves that, right?

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