Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

Is 17 too young to lose your virginity?  ?

I’m almost 18, and I lost it to my boyfriend a little while ago.  It was great, until my parents found out because they saw my texts with him when I accidentally left my phone on.  They didn’t explode or anything but I could tell they were mad because they’ve barely spoken to me in the last two days.  And then last night I even heard my mom on the phone with my older MALE cousin saying how I lost it way too early.  Like, what?  I was ready and I thought it was normal to do it as a teenager.  I told my best friend and she was super supportive.  Do you think they’re overreacting?  I mean, why the hell would they tell my cousin. I love him but why spread it around if they’re that ashamed? 

10 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    Could you possibly be confusing having the feeling of being "in love" and true love?

    Here's some information about love from the books True Love Lasts, Straight Talk About Teen Dating, and Straight Talk About Dating:

    “Unfortunately, lots of people don’t know what true love is and that’s a big reason why a large number of marriage relationships are unhappy. Many people think that true love is just a feeling. You know, the wonderful head spinning feeling of being “in love.”

    If true love is just a feeling, feelings come and go. But true love doesn't come and go. True love is patient and kind. It isn’t jealous, rude, selfish, controlling, or easily angered. It forgives. It’s supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.

    Unlike the feeling of being “in love” which is relatively easy to get especially during dating, true love usually develops slowly over a significant period of time (often years). In order to develop true love for someone you really have to know them well – which means that you have had a chance to observe their behavior in all types of situations (pay special attention to how they react when things go wrong or they don’t get their way). True love is so much more than just the feeling of being “in love” - it’s supposed to be a mutual lifelong commitment. When you say that you love your significant other, you’re saying that you’re committed to loving them for the rest of your life - for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, from this day forward, until death do you part. True love lasts - it almost never fails.

    Think of it this way, if a person has true love for another person, it’s like the sun - it’s always there no matter what (remember that even at night, the sun is still there, it’s just shining on the other side of the earth - and when it’s cloudy outside the sun is also still there, it’s just behind the clouds).

    On the other hand, the feeling of being “in love” is like sunshine - even though we’d like it to be sunny every day, the truth is that the amount of sunshine changes regularly. Some days it’s nice and sunny and the feeling of being “in love” is strong, on others it’s partly cloudy and the feeling of being “in love” is there but it’s not very strong, and on other days it’s cloudy and the feeling of being “in love” is barely there at all. I’m hoping that this explanation is helping you to see that it’s possible for a person to have true love for another person and not have a strong intense feeling of being “in love” with that person at a particular moment. (If you talk with married couples, I think they’ll tell you that the strength of their feelings of being “in love” changes regularly.)

    So when you hear someone say, “I don't love him or her anymore” - take it for what it usually is. It’s usually someone saying that they’ve lost the feeling of being “in love”, that they don’t know how or they’re not willing to make the effort required to get the feeling back, and that they probably never had true love for their significant other to begin with because true love almost never fails.

    Many times I’ve heard young women say, “my boyfriend loves me.” Unfortunately, most of these women have been fooled. How could their boyfriend possibly have true love for them if their boyfriend doesn’t even know what true love is? Sadly many people marry when one or both people don't have true love for the other - and the result is usually divorce because it's hard to keep a marriage together when it's based only on the feeling of being "in love."

    My first suggestion is that you put in the effort necessary to become a strong person (if you’re not already). A strong person has good character (honesty, integrity, trustworthiness), a positive attitude (cheerful, caring, friendly, forgiving, helpful, and respectful), fulfills their responsibilities (for handling pains in a positive way, for always trying to make a good choice, for taking care of themselves, for serving others), puts forth their best effort, and displays self-control (of their body, anger, tongue and money).

    It’s going to be tough, but my second suggestion is that you break up with this guy in a kind way unless he’s a strong person with whom you feel you could one day develop mutual true love with, and eventually look for this type of guy (otherwise you are setting yourself up for a broken heart). Unfortunately this type of man is difficult to find – but save yourself the heartache and don’t settle for less.

    (Please remember that you eventually want a 50 or 60 year marriage - not a 5 or 10 year marriage.)

    Hope this helps!

    PS What's done is done, but here's some information to consider for the future:

    Sex is unbelievably powerful and the chemicals in the brain that are released during it can cause you to become bonded to someone who you don't want to be bonded to. 

    Having sex before marriage can be harmful to you and to your future. This harm could possibly include things like:

    - not feeling good about yourself

    - finding out that having sex causes people to become emotionally attached way too quickly

    - sex becoming the main focus of your relationship

    - finding out that having sex makes people ignore serious problems in the person they’re dating, serious problems that could destroy a marriage

    - failing to realize that dating relationships which have sex as their main focus usually don’t last - until the relationship falls apart

    - not learning to have real communication with each other, to be in touch with the your positive and negative feelings and the feelings of your significant other, to resolve conflicts in a calm constructive manner, to really get to know what your significant other is like in all situations because you’re spending too much time having sex

    - not feeling good about choosing to have sex after your boyfriend or girlfriend says “I love you” and then later finding out he or she was lying to you just to get sex or he or she just has the feeling of being “in love” instead of true love (true love is supposed to be a lifelong commitment)

    - feeling that you need to keep having sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend or else they’ll break up with you - even though you don’t feel good about it

    - finding out that having sex makes people stay in dating relationships much longer than they should

    - making the bad choice to stay in a relationship that you know isn’t good for you because you’re having sex

    - being broken hearted after your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you

    - becoming an angry person after having your heart broken

    - becoming depressed or possibly even suicidal after having your heart broken (please see a professional counselor immediately if you feel depressed or suicidal)

    - feeling that you can’t trust anyone anymore after you’ve had your heart broken

    - feeling horrible that you broke your boyfriend or girlfriend’s heart when you broke up with them

    - getting into the habit of jumping from one sexual relationship to another looking for true love and sadly never finding it

    - getting a sexually transmitted disease (a 2017 study showed that young people aged 15–24 years acquire half of all new STDs and that one in four sexually active adolescent females has an STD)

    - getting pregnant

    - becoming a single mother (guys often don’t marry their pregnant girlfriends)

    - having a child who doesn’t have a stable male role model in their life

    - becoming more hesitant about making a lifelong marriage commitment to another person after having your heart broken

    - ending up having problems relating sexually to your husband or wife in marriage because of the sex you had with them (and possibly with others) before marriage

    - becoming divorced (statistics show that couples who have sex before marriage are more likely to get divorced than couples who don’t have sex before marriage)

    If you think this information is baloney, here's what a person commented after I wrote an similar answer, "I'm literally crying right now while reading what you wrote. I can relate to everything you said."

    Source(s): True Love Lasts - written with a character emphasis for teens through young adults, Straight Talk About Teen Dating - written with a Christian emphasis for ages 13-19, Straight Talk About Dating - written with a Christian emphasis for ages 20 and up
  • 1 month ago

    Honey don’t even sweat it I lost mine at 15 when I was a freshman to a senior. And there are many people who even lost it way earlier then that, and I’m sure ur mom had sex as a teenager as well bc my mom was upset to at first but then later she got over it bc she admitted she did when she was a teen. Your mom is just in shock right now bc ur still her little girl to her and she doesn’t want to see u hurt or possibly pregnant good luck. But if u do plan to start doing it regularly with ur bf get the depo shot it works really well!!

  • 1 month ago

    Even though the 'age of consent is 16 maybe and the boy you lost it with is under 18, it may be looked on by the parents as unacceptable to them.  If he's over 18, it may be seen as 'statutory rape' by him.  Parents just don't want to either see their child grow up too soon or be hurt.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Unless you’re religious and against premarital sex - no, I think 17 is old enough to have sex. The most common age of consent worldwide is 16 (including the majority of US states, Canada, and the UK).

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  • 1 month ago

    It isn't so much that it is too young.  What tends to go wrong is that in ten year's time sex tends to become ho hum.  Instead of something that binds two people together it becomes more like just eating and drinking.  There is a downside to instant gratification and having everything RIGHT NOW.

  • blank
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    What's done is done.  The question you really should be asking yourself, imo, is are you old enough and stable enough to be a mom?   If the answer is no, then you should be extremely careful with the conception control and/or maybe hold off on the sex.  No conception control is 100% fool proof - so be certain, should an "oops" happen, that you AND your bf agree to accept the concequences. 

    You ARE old enough to make this choice for yourself.  If you choose to, it does not make you a bad person.   Just be as careful as you can be AND get yourself to an OB/GYN for regular health check ups.

    Finally, try and realize that whilst parents THINK they are prepared to learn their kids are growing up, it is really hard to accept it when it happens.   Some parents deal better than others.  Yours obviously still saw you as their "little girl" so they are probably more shocked than mad.  Probably more disappointed with your choice, thinking they had raised you differently.   They are just going to have to learn to accept this.

    Finally - no, it's not right for your folks to be talking about this outside your household..... if they have concerns, they should be talking to you - no one else.

    Hang in... this too shall pass.  Best of luck to you.

  • T J
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Wonder how old your parents were on their first time? Ignore them...they will get over it.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You should be ashamed of yourself for getting pop before marriage and destroying your Christian values and belief so I would suggest you to stop now and today and lead your life to religious, Jesus and ask for forgiveness 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Your Mom is treating your life like some type of reality tv show they are watching.  It was extremely rude of her to tell it to someone else after snooping around your phone.   This is just their sick way of punishing you for growing up too quickly.   It's hard watching your kids grow up sometimes, but at 17 with a serious boyfriend it's something that often happens.  Perhaps you should bring up your parent's sex life at the next family party.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    what does it matter when you already lost it anyways???

    i certainly think it's stupid. 

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