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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Should a partner hide their finances?

we have a 5-year-old son and my partner always makes dumb  financial decisions. He buys stuff he doesn’t need. He wastes money like it’s nothing. I was just cleaning the house and found a Target receipt. He purchased 18 packs of trading cards (Digimon) and the total cost was $72..he had purchased them multiple times too.. if we were rich then I wouldn’t care. He can do whatever he wants with his money. Thing is.. we are behind on some bills. I had to stop working because of covid. Pre-Covid, we made good money and had a lot leftover but now we are living pay check to pay check until I can get back to work. Our son needs new clothes, bills need to be paid.. and he’s spending hundreds on trading cards? When I bring up his finances, he tells me it’s none of my business. He has had issues with finances for years. Every time he gets money- he feels the need to spend it right away. He has no control over himself when it comes to money. I plan on leaving him and moving out next month. I’ve already found a job back home ,out of state, and I have family to go to.  I just can’t keep living with someone who can’t grow up.. am I wrong? 

Update:

To the person who says I am running away from the problem.. trust me I’ve tried for years to help him. I’ve spoken to him countless times. He has done this for years.. so there comes a time where you have to give up and move on with your life.. instead of wasting it 

Update 2:

Why did I make a baby with him? I was young and dumb.. I was 21 when I became pregnant. I learned my lesson. And would never repeat my mistake like a lot of girls do

31 Answers

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  • 2 months ago

    You are absolutely NOT WRONG.  You can't live with someone who has so little regard for the safety and well-being of his own family, wife and child, and who has no control over his money. Trouble is, when you get a divorce you'd better make sure your lawyer knows this so you can have the child support deducted from his wages instead of waiting for him to pay it. Because you know he won't.  I'm sorry you're going through this--it's hard. But stick to your guns, honey. You're doing the right thing. 

  • Blush
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    I’m so sorry for you and your kid, yes leave him and do not look back.

  • boj
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Yes, you both are wrong and acting like children. Youre throwing a tantrum cause of monwy and him spending selfishly.  Your family isnt alone in living payday to payday and struggling with past due bills. Covid has done this to most every family but you dont bail on a marriage because of bills especially when you knew before Covid that your husband was financially irresponsible. Find a job where you are and try to give your 5 yr old son the family he deserves..... Not the one youre proposing..... seperated over money.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    YES 

    HE SHOULD DO a better job hiding it - you found out

    should you be better in your life choices? yes

    while admitting you were young and made a mistake having a baby with him... you still are making foolish choices thinking you can change him

    accept it as is and stay or move on  -- stop looking to be right and justified then  make better choices from now on

    but you are not going to make him better -- after you leave realize,, he is not sending you all sorts of money for the child's sake ,, so again do not gripe about it and when all the people around you tell you to stick it to him ...be prepared to tell each of them  I appreciate you idea, but prefer to deal with this my way thank you

    FYI women in similar positions will tell you get money from him stick it to him,,,because misery loves company 

    I will add one more bit of input.... decide you want the child to have contact with the father OR NOT and you need to act accordingly or do not gripe and blame him when he does not see the child and your made to feel bad by other people for not forcing him to see the child even though you create a hostile environment for them

    again this starts now knowing he is bad with money and cannot pay like the people around you say he should  -- this is a extension of your poor choice of fathers ,,,, while you admit it,,, do you REALLY accept that or just put up a fake front ?

  • Trish
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    yes you have a right to know and discuss finances with your spouse.  if youre living together you have rights the same.  if youre leaving no longer a need for discussion.

  • 2 months ago

    You picked a selfish man-child to be your baby daddy.

    Live with your choices OR make better choices for the child you decided to keep after birth.

    You are raising a child and a man-child. He does not care enough about you or his child. And, thathas nothing to do with his finances . it has todo with his priorities...or should I say, his LACK of priorities.

    Soon you will realize his history of misappropriating funds is something you can live without. Kick him to the curb. Why put up with his immaturity when you can simply get CHILD SUPPORT to raise your child?

    STOP making one mistake after another. PLENTY of single moms are successful. You can be, too!

  • 2 months ago

    I think that your plan sounds like a good one.  This guy does not sound like a candidate to be a responsible partner.

    My one suggestion:  Get out, move completely away from any influence he has over you, BEFORE you tell him you are leaving.  Like best for him to come home from work, or better, a trip, and you are gone, with a note telling him why and how to contact you (if you think contact is a good idea, which it might not be for a while).

    Things can go bad very very quickly, and as it sounds like you've already resolved to leave, a clean break is probably easiest to navigate.

    Be careful who you tell so he doesn't get wind of your plans.  If he does, he will possibly change his behavior just enough to make you stay then revert back to his old habits.

    Good luck!

    Ah, but as to your actual question:  Real partners DO have a say in finances.  And if a child together doesn't make you real partners I don't know what does.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I would not have a partner who was financially irresponsible.   Period.

  • 2 months ago

    So your plan is to run away from the problem rather than trying to resolve it?  I think it is you that isn't growing up, that is a childish approach.  I am sure you will give me a thumbs down and choose the answer that validates your opinion.  But before you do, consider trying to at least warn him of what is at stake before you kidnap his child without considering the consequences of doings so.

  • ?
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    You and your partner should be in stride with both your finances. Perhaps the suggestions in the article below can benefit you both. You can also browse other articles dealing with finances.

    Source(s): wol.jw.org/g 6/14 Help For The Family| Marriage - How to Control Spending
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