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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

I don't want to attend my sister's wedding next year to her abusive boyfriend. What do I do?

She asked me to be her maid of honour, but I declined. She was upset about it but I think deep down she knows why. I'm just so reluctant to attend the wedding knowing he's going to abuse her. They've lived together for 3 years now, and the abuse has been going on for a year. Shall I not attend? I told my parents I don't want her married to him, but they were like "you don't have to be there for him, at least be there for your sister". They've done nothing to stop her from marrying him. 

She's not even excited about the marriage, I can tell by her body language, and there's no intimacy between them, when they started dating, they were all over each other. She just said, "I think once we're married, we can make things work".

Update:

I hate pretending to be happy for her especially at the wedding. I'm going to have to pretend to celebrate a happy day when it's not a happy day for her at all.

Update 2:

I know if I say I don't want to attend the wedding, there'll be lots of arguments and conflict, not just between my mum and dad, but cousins, aunts, and uncles. They don't know him that well, and if I tell them, it's going to cause drama, and people are gonna get involved and gossip, so it's something I want to keep between my mum, dad and sis. It's easier said than done, and I know she's going to say "You're just jealous, blah blah blah".

27 Answers

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  • Nick
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    First, get in touch with his exes and find out whether he did the same thing to them. At the wedding, call him on it when the priest asks whether anyone believes that the couple should not be married. Say that he beats her, and that he has done it before to other women. Then mention their first names. Tell your sister that you're sorry, but she deserves to know the truth, and abusers never change no matter how long the marriage lasts

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    But everything a side and go, cause it may ruin your relationship with your sister, she wont never forget it

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Pay me 100,000 and I will travel to America and I will un marry them for you.

    It must be 100,000! no less.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    If you do not support the marriage, I'd say don't go. It's not your business who she marries, nor is it hers whom you eventually marry.

    But at the end of the day, you have to do what your conscience dictates, and in the words of Martin Luther: "To go against conscience is neither right nor safe."

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Who your sister marries is nobody's business but hers just as it's nobody's business who you marry!

    It's simple you tell her in a nice way "I love you but I just cant attend a wedding that I hugely oppose! You have a physically abusive boyfriend that I think you are in danger of living with!

  • 2 months ago

    I know you don’t support this marriage and that’s fine, but if you don’t go to your own sisters wedding how would she feel? Would she continue a relationship with you? As her sister, my suggestion is that you go and support her so that you can still be there for her when she needs you. If she cuts you out, this man may do something awful to her and she won’t want to confide in you. I know you don’t want to pretend, it’s understandable. But do it for her, it’s not about you 

  • Blush
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Sorry but it’s dumb your sis thinks marriage is gonna fix anything...don’t go, if she asks say “ I love you and when you decide to walk away from this piece of trash I’ll be here. I can’t support you putting yourself in this toxic place.” 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    thats up to you but i would turn him in to the police if hes being abusive

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I've been through this twice, once with a cousin and once a close friend.  I did the same thing in both cases.  I told them it was asking too much of me to expect me to stand by her side while she made a mistake like this, but I would attend the wedding to support her.  

    One thing, though.  By the time this happened, I had had a very serious convo with each of them.  I talked from the heart and told them I'd always love them, but I know for FACT they are about to make a life altering horrible decision.  I've always believed in being very upfront with this stuff.  It's not to change their mind, because they change it when they are ready, not me.  But it's so I never second guess myself if there was more I could have done. If it matters, my cousin broke up with him before the wedding even happened.  My friend did not, and the friendship ended when he started going after her kids. 

    I mention all this because you said something about her "guessing" your real reason.  There is nothing wrong with sitting down with her and giving this one shot.  You'd make sure she knows you love her, but then just tell her how hard it is for you to watch this play out when YOU know what will happen, but she is in denial.  Promise her this is the last time you will bring it up.  PS - And stop talking so much about whether you'll go or not!  It's so far in the future and you're giving fam all sorts of material to create drama.  You can always attend just the ceremony, or even that plus early part of receptioln. Or not go at all.  

  • ?
    Lv 4
    2 months ago

    Just say no. The best thing you can do is be honest regarding how you feel about her boyfriend and their relationship and that you "don't want to witness your guys' handcuffing."

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