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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Living in a nightmarish reality!—Im a mother of 2. I’ve been in a relationship w/ the father of my kids for 15 yrs which has been and ⬇️?

continues to be the biggest mistake of my life. Im convinced that this man is a sociopath & has emotionally & psychologically abused me almost from the beginning of our relationship.The gaslighting, lies,& constant cheating has lead me to be diagnosed with depression & anxiety disorders; myself esteem has been at an all time low.For yrs I was just heartbroken, I was young & naive & just wanted a family.None of that happened,my love for him died yrs ago.I ask him to move out almost on a weekly basis, but he refuses.Now, for the 2nd part of this story.As a teen I had a best guy friend.Our families are friends & everyone always said he was in love with me, I never saw it & we kept our friendship strictly as that.In our late teens,I meet Mr Wrong fall head over heels & have our 1st child.My friend got married as well. However, he always looked for ways to stay in touch.I went through some dark yrs where I hated myself.I would ignore him whenever he would try to reach out  but he never gave up, birthday, Xmas etc. messages never failed.He says “I’ll always be in his heart”,compliments me constantly etc.Social media has always been our way of communicating;but he recently deleted his social media & found me on LinkedIn we exchanged #s & have been texting non stop since.I don’t  pry but there are signs of an unhappy marriage. he wants to see me;& I know it’s unconventional,but maybe there’s a reason he never stopped reaching out in & so my question is do I dare take a leap of fate?

19 Answers

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Whenever someone like you posts such a Q it's hard to feel sorry for someone that's not necessarily going to do anything other than transferring their ill-fated misfortune upon whoever they choose to rescue them. So, despite feeling this teen male friend might just very well be your knight in shining armour, you need to get your own house in order before embarking on another pipe dream as the two innocent kids should be your 1st priority? 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    look... the second your "husband" cheated on you, you should have been OUT. this is affecting the kids more than you...

  • 2 months ago

    First, END your relationship with Mr. Wrong.

    You need to get away from him. Even if it means YOU and the CHILDREN move out into your parents basement when he is not home. People you know and love have seen you struggle with Mr wrong for 15 yearsand are bound to help you out of it. ASK FOR HELP!

    The guy friend is only going to complicate your life. There is NO LEAP OF FAITH with him....because,


    AS IN...HE IS UNAVAILABLE! Don't you dare!

    Get Your life together. Set up a secure place for your children. Collect child support.

    If Mr. Friend divorces, then fine. But getting together with him will ruin you and set you back to the dark places. THINK!

    Don't you think you finally deserve to put yourself and your life inorder so you can proceed to live a happy lifestyle for once in your life? 

    Mr. Friend needs to take care of his personal life, not use you to temporarily escape his unhappy marriage. Stay OUT of his marriage. He seems to already be having an emotional affair with you.

    Respect your fellow female and LEAVE her man alone!

  • 2 months ago

    " I was young & naive & just wanted a family.None of that happened," Then why do you have two kids?! I don't get it! 

    "In our late teens,I meet Mr Wrong fall head over heels & have our 1st child.My friend got married as well. However, he always looked for ways to stay in touch.I went through some dark yrs where I hated myself.I would ignore him whenever he would try to reach out but he never gave up, birthday, Xmas etc. messages never failed." Why is he Mr.Wrong? What happend to make him Mr.Wrong? And why are you ignoring him when he's paying (is he paying?) child support for your child. I don't really get why you married and had a baby with the wrong man??! I mean, yes accidents can happen but birth control is widely available. Maybe he was just trying to salvage his family situaton that's all. Also if you don't want any attention from him you should have blocked him from contacting you or filed a restraining order. That would give him the message that you want nothing to do with him anymore but the fact that you are still communicating with him tells me that you are open to him being in your ife. Well it's your choice. I don't block people personally unless it's really bad but from the sounds of what your ex is doing, sounds like he is obssessing and stalking you/harrassing you.  

  • mila
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    If you’re in an abusive relationship, it can take another relationship to give you the strength to leave.

    Go to a domestic violence shelter and they’ll help you get away as safely as possible.  Look up domestic violence, learn and be careful.

  • 2 months ago

    Oh poo, like your so innocent

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Do you really not see how selfish you are?  You didn't discuss your kids ONCE in this whole long question.  They are what matters most!  The biggest decision a mom makes on behalf of her kids is who the father is.  You blew this big time  and even now, they aren't living in a stable environment. You may have been "young and naive" when you got with him, but that stopped a long time ago.  Your solution?  Let's start a new relationship based on a lifetime ago, while still living with the idiot you picked for your kids' father.   

    At least you have enough sense to ask, but you'll probably ignore sane advice.  Get away from your jerk babydaddy, get the kids into a stable living situation and then,  down the road, address your love life.  I don't think you'll do this, though.  

  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I don’t see any indication here that you actually are married, as you refer to the father of your children, but never use the word husband for him. So you probably don’t have to deal with a legal separation at all. Incidentally, if you are living together and both your names are on the paperwork for your home (whether house or apartment), he doesn’t have to leave because you ask him to. And if it’s a house you have a mortgage together on, it’s in his best interests NOT to leave it. You can’t force him out, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay. However you choose to do it, you need to end your relationship with your baby daddy before you do anything else.

    Now, as to your friend from your teen years, do NOT start something up with him anything more than the communication you already have. He is married, and it isn’t your place to determine if his marriage is happy or not. It is your place to not be the other woman, side piece, or mistress that he plays around with while staying married to his wife. If he wants to get together with you, tell him the only way you will do so is after both of you are separated from your partners. Nothing wrong with wanting to find a new partner and a man who treats you well, it he needs to be single. Another woman’s man is off limits, at least have that much self respect to not be the other woman.

  • 2 months ago

    You "just wanted a family. None of that happened". You have a husband and two children!!

    If your husband is cheating, get evidence and throw him out! Youi have children to look after, so he will probably have to leave (depending on the laws where you live) and pay for you and the children. Get some legal advice.

    You are your children's role model as a wife, he is their role model as a husband. This is really important!While you don't want to be responsible for two family break-ups, you might explore the possibilities with this other man. Try to keep the moral high ground by NOT cheating, because if you do you risk your children's happiness. You need a better reason for getting together with him than being unhappy in your marriage.  Good Luck!

  • Tasm
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Take control of your life or you will always be looking for someone to fix your problems, either to have your husband move out, or someone fall out of the sky to rescue you. Figure out what you want and do that. 

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