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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

All my husband does is sit around and make excuses to why he's not doing anything.?

He use to work a good job. He would earn good money and we lived well. We had a car and everything we needed. He doesn't let me work so I didn't work. He still won't let me work even though he does nothing. I got pregnant a year ago and he was thrilled, while I was depressed because I felt trapped with this man. When I had a miscarriage, I was the happiest person ever because it means I won't be stuck with him. Hes lazing around all day and complains about the virus. When I tell him that I'm gonna to apply for jobs, he tells me no and that he will work soon. He always gets my hopes up when he tells me he's close to a job and he will start work next week. When it arrives, there's nothing and he makes excuses again about the virus and about how they didn't want him working for them anymore. Its been 3 entire years, his excuse before was that no one hired him, and now it's the virus. I'm sick of him sitting around all day, sleeping and eating. We can't afford to get anymore things. We sold the car so we don't have that anymore. He asks his friend if we can borrow his car and its embarrassing but he has no shame. On top of all of this, he wants to have a baby. I tell him no and he gets extremely mad. He says that the government will be paying for the baby so I don't have to worry. But I don't want to sit here and depend on the government for some handouts. Hes been hiding my birth control and trying to force unprotected sex on me. I am fed up with this lazy man who does nothing 


But sit around playing video games and begging for kids. He doesn't even help with any chores around the house. Hes gotten obese from all the sitting and lazing around. On top of all that, his hygiene has became absolutely disgusting. Even his brothers come and yell at him to get a job and stop being lazy. Nothing works and no, he's not depressed. Its literally been 3 years living like this. I want out of the marriage. Is this right or am I selfish?

Update 2:

@Heart o gold

He does want to control me. I don't let him control me all the way. He does make it about himself when I confront him about it. I loved this man and I don't want to break his heart, but I'm sick of him and I no longer see him as a future partner who I can have children with.

30 Answers

  • Blush
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Fire him!                       

  • garry
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    yes and , atleast you know he is lazy or are you too demanding , think about it , some people are lazy thats all , live with it or dump him , your choice .

  • Joanie
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    Don't get pregnant!! Why bring a child into a marriage that seems doomed already? No, he's become lazy and a loser..And yes he is controlling you if he says no you can't work..Things should have been done sooner before the car got sold..And you should have told him to leave, and get a job and don't come around you til he's given up the life of a controlling do nothing bum...Who want's to put up with that kind of life? If he's got any mental problems, tell him to see a therapist (there are free) and do something about the pathetic person he's become..Love goes both ways..He's using you and "raping" you by hiding your bc pills and forcing sex without them. That's not love..Get him out ASAP and try to get a job and a car..Divorce if the separation doesn't work..

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    dump the bum . run . 

  • 2 months ago

    You are in complete and total denial about him controlling you. 



    Girl, you have every reason in the world to leave him. Do you have an friend on family you can temporarily live with while you divorce his stinkyass?

    Stop having sex with him. He i s trying to get you pregnant so you depend on him and he can further control you.

    NOW is your chance to leave him.

    If you stay, then you will eventually get pregnant and trapped.


  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Honestly, we the taxpayers don't want to pay for your baby, especially not when if you have it with this guy you're going to end up divorced anyway (because you kinda low-key hate him). Leave him, seriously.

  • 2 months ago

    You know what you must do.  Why are you here on Answers?  Go file those papers.

    But first get a job so you can support yourself.  Then move out and file those papers.  You don't need permission from your husband to get a job.  Stop using that as an excuse.

  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    So leave. You make a lot of excuses here, but the fact of the matter is that when he told you that you couldn’t have a job you should have been out the door then. But you so far have refused to put on your big girl panties and take ownership of your own life. Find a woman’s shelter in your area and contact them if you don’t have friends or family you can turn to. But as long as you continue to make the choice to stay in this situation you have nobody to blame but yourself.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I suggest you read your question and pretend this is a close friend describing her marriage.  What would be your reaction?

    I usually try to come up with ideas that might help, but this is not fixable. In fact, the worse you make it sound, the more puzzling it is that you're still with him.  Why on earth would you ask if you're being selfish?!  I'm going to guess your parents didn't set a good example, because those of us lucky enough to have that know what to aim for.

    I hope you're serious about dissolving the marriage.  Right now, it will be an inexpensive easy divorce.  You bring a kid into this and not only is that unfair to your future child (you can give that baby a much better father), the divorce becomes more expensive and complicated.  Try to leave today, stay with a friend or fam, and call an atty.

  • 2 months ago

    Move out.  Now, not tomorrow or the next day.

    This is abusive behavior and the longer you stay with him the more trapped you are.

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