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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Why has husbands anger counsellor already suggested couples counselling? ?

Husband finally started anger management after years of what I can now see was emotional abuse (with help of my counsellor). On second session, husband acting completely different (I mean so controlled - perfect) and counsellor telling him we need couples counselling already. Surely he needs longer? I wonder if he’s giving counsellor the full picture? He normally shouts at us all and is horrible to the kids telling them to go away and dragging them to time out etc. Part of his anger in recent 2 years would be that I distanced myself from him completely physically! However his problem goes back much further than that. Since kids were born. TIA for your advice 

8 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Take the couples counseling because it's not like working on his anger wouldn't also be addressed there. You're not going to want to hear this, but anger like this is often a game both parties play and you probably contribute to it more than you wish to recognize. You want a "he's the bad guy and I'm perfect" scenario, and that's almost never the full reality of the situation. 

  • 1 month ago

    It might be that watching how the two of you interact while discussing your problems with each other will be far, far more revealing than the two of them being alone together while your husband calming discusses things. It sounds like a GREAT IDEA to join him for some sessions. Let the truth be revealed! You two HAVE a mutual problem so it makes sense, to me that you fully participate. My husband, who also has quite the temper, went, together, into couples counseling and after the 4th session, the doctor separated us because he felt, after listening and watching us, that separate counseling would be more beneficial. But he needed to see how we related as a couple to ascertain the next best step. And that did BOTH of us a lot of good. Maybe the answer to "why" in your question is that the counselor might be a smart person. 

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Your husband didn't just change after one session or even a few.  It takes at year or two in order to change our ways and habits.  And to learn some good life coping skills.

    The counselor is probably doing what he thinks is best regarding couples counseling.  After all, you say you've spent years of misery with this man, so maybe hearing about your feelings and knowing what you're thinking will help him to make changes, as well. 

    Your husband isn't pulling the wool over the counselor's eyes by acting all calm and collected.  He knows your husband has issues and he's got experience with people who have anger issues. He's fully aware that anger issues don't disappear overnight and that it takes a lot of work and effort to make changes. 

  • T J
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Surely, he needs to divorce you.

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  • i + i
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Are you not going to go to couples 

    counseling together just because 

    you think your counselor is wrong? 

    How can couples counseling NOT 

    help in this situation, regardless of 

    your husband still needing to have 

    a bit more anger management work?

  • 1 month ago

    Tell him to tell his counselor that you want to see them together, so you can tell your side too. After all, the counselor only has HIS opinion on what was going on, and he may well believe that he did nothing that was wrong.

  • 1 month ago

    Your husband's anger counselor suggestion to address the sources of his anger (his marriage) at the same time as he addresses his anger management isn't always a bad idea especially if he is a fast learner of the therapeutic strategies. Couples counseling takes agreement and it is not unreasonable to demand you wait until after anger management therapy ends.  And remember, you aren't the meter of his success with it, his therapist is.  

  • Rick B
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    We have no idea what happened in those sessions or what was recommended.  Have you asked your husband?  Regardless, obviously couples therapy is a great idea and will allow you to both work on the issues.

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