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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

Not feeling great with no-contact? Have you done this?

My parent is verbally abusive towards me and i haven't spoken to her in about 2 months. I feel guilty about letting go but I'm only human...and to be honest, i cant take the verbal abuse any longer and have anticipated with much anxiety calling her anymore. 

 My parent has almost always had backhanded comments, insults and picks alliances with her sisters: against me...ive always ignored it and chalked it up to her matching my aunts ways on how they handle their daughters... I cant maintain my composure any longer. Its worn me down mentally and its affecting me physically that im going to have to seek a mental health professional soon. Its like im having PTSD. Looking back at her previous behavior really makes me feel like she REALLY never loved me. At 17, she told me to move on. Just. Like. That. 

My boyfriend now my husband remembers that day, and that was 40 years ago.. Maybe, my mom really never loved me. Say a little prayer for me and especially her,  as i cant honor my mom anymore. And being a Christian doesn't make this easy to go NO contact. . 

Update:

ANON i dont feel confused its abusive. I also, put myself through college. A graduate at a very young age. I lacked nothing in my professional or family life. The reason i mentioned the 40 years is: thats the pivotal point of her distain for me. Thats it. It has nothing to do with ruminating.  I hope that you never give anyone any insight again, its very back handed.  And your right, i dont need anyone to pray for me yet it simply was to keep me in mind as youve been through this yourself. 

Update 2:

LEXI thank you for your comment. I have to remember the reason ppl behave in a certain manner isnt really about me. Thank you for gently reminding me to step away emotionally. I'm going to start working on boundaries and how to handle the triggers. I know this will be a process. TY once again. 

5 Answers

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  • 2 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Honor her, but don't accept the abuse. Forgive her (Matthew 18:22)   Remember that even though we are called to love one another, it is also acceptable to establish boundaries. There is nothing wrong with talking to someone and letting them know that you no longer accept certain behaviors. Your feelings and mental health is important, so don't allow for her actions to bring you down. I've gone through something similar, and one thing that has helped me is that I started to detach my emotions from any 'personal attack' they had to say about me. Just because you hear it, doesn't make it true. Remember whose foundation you stand on and where your worth comes from. 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    it might be better to take a break if shes being verbally abusive

  • 2 months ago

    Not sure why you feel guilty about making a decision for your own sense of self-preservation. 

    Being a Christian has nothing to do with protecting your emotional health.  You don't have to honor anyone who is abusive.

  • 2 months ago

    I totally feel you ..I’m in a similar situation..except that I’m single and that’s why my parents are angry with me 

    I feel so guilty for something I haven’t done 

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  • 2 months ago

    This is something you need to look into a therapist about.   I am a child of an alcoholic.   Seeing a therapist is the only thing that has helped.   

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