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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

I caught my fiance cheating with his ex who lives 10 hours away in his hometown. It took a lot to forgive, but I did for our daughter.?

He made a comment (this is back in 2019) that his ex was still trying to get back with him. I don't know why he said it, but he did. Obviously I found the woman online and had it out with her immediately. I was heartbroken and it took a long time to believe him after he swore he wouldn't talk to this woman again. 

We have a 2 year old daughter. 

We always use each other's laptops whenever our personal ones aren't nearby, so I wasn't snooping or invading his privacy. I was trying to find a recipe I used last week in the chrome browser history. There she was. Again. And again. 

At this point, I did snoop. I searched her name in the chrome browser history. Her FB page came up multiple times, going back to Dec. 29 (her page showed up there too). This is the date he must have deleted his browser history last because there is nothing previous for any records. 

I'm not tech savvy: I don't know what it means that her Facebook page was showing in the history, or whether that means they are contacting each other again.

The biggest thing is our daughter. What should I do? I bought 3/4 of our house with inheritance from grandparents & my parents loaned us the rest. (We both signed an agreement with the lawyer that we pay my parents back a set amt. Each month). I'm not so much worried about property as I am about our daughter growing up in broken homes. She deserves better. This would be a huge court battle to kick him out. He will fight for my house & he is commonlaw status. Advice?

4 Answers

  • Joanie
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    Trust is broken..If you feel you can't trust him, get out now..Common law depends on what the Judge will decide..Then there's a child in the middle..It's not a good situation but happens alot.When I got my divorce after 30 yrs, I found out *NJ* that anything you inherit during a marriage is not going to the ex to be..It's all yours..My ex inherited an old farm in Md with his sister..I got not a penny of what it's worth in the divorce..A question is, did you put this house in both of your names on the deed? If you can prove to a judge that you paid 3/4s for it, and you and he still owe your mom and dad, well mom and dad could say they forgive your debt to them but not his part so he would still be paying them his share..It's complicated for sure..If the deed to the house is in your name, I think he would have no claim to it if you can prove you purchased it with inheritance..Mine inherited money as well as the farm..But we put the money into the marital home (both of us on the deed and mortgage)to enlarge it in 81' when we got the money his mom left..I don't know how long you've been in common law, and I would suggest a very good attorney who can give you all the answers under the laws of your state and under common law. I kept the marital home and did not have to give him the money for the renovations which were done 17years prior to his wanting a divorce...As to getting him out, if he's not on the deed to the house, you can tell him to just leave until all is worked out in a family court..As for your daughter, he is the father and will have rights..Again, if you both can't agree, a Judge with your attorney will decide after reviewing all the paper work will decide who your daughter will live with or if you two want co-parenting..Research any attorney you want to go with online..I found my choice was bad and didn't know anything about him..Not a good ending.. you could always get a restraining order against him to get him out now, but without proof of abuse, he'll be right back if his name is on the deed..If not, out...So..I do wish you and your daughter well and hope I have given you some good advice..

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    How is it his ex's fault that he cheated with her? Did she hog tie him and force him to do it?  

    I doubt that.  He made a decision to cheat... simple as that.

    And you made an idiot of yourself confronting her.  

    If you want to remain with a cheater, then do it, i guess.  

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    The home is already broken, you are 

    just still all in the middle of it instead 

    of apart. This is something HE chose 

    to do, not you. Kids can grow up just 

    as messed up in an "unbroken" home 

    as the can in a broken one, and they 

    can also grow up just fine if mommy 

    and daddy aren't together any more 

    (in fact her being so young is a good 

    thing -- it will be much more traumatic 

    to break up the family at a later age). 

    I would start by talking to your family 

    and see what your parents advice. 

  • 2 months ago

    A child can grow up with divorced parents and still be happy. If you stay with this man, he’s going to keep cheating and leave you broken. That’s going to be the BIGGEST detriment to your daughter.

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