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How do you cut a toxic family member from your life?

Long story short, my husband's brother and his wife are extremely disrespectful to him and my children, on more than one occasion. I am absolutely done with him and his toxic wife but don't really know how to go about getting them out of our lives. My husband's mom is constantly trying to make us go to famy dinners with them there and I refuse to have my children and husband be made upset again, or myself for that matter. 

Update:

I don't need to give examples. I know they are toxic to my whole family. Yes i mean "our" children but my husband isn't the one asking the question, therefore to yup, they are my children. I am simply asking how to cut them out plain and simple

9 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    quite a question....I have cut off relations and communications from four relatives permanently. I told each of them one time only that they are to leave, they will never again be welcome in my life in any capacity whatsoever and there is no further discussions we will have. One stubborn relative who insisted on continuing the conflict I told them that they are dead to me. The was the end of it and peace has reigned in my life for the last 34 years

  • 1 month ago

    Take the initiative and make arrangements with the Mother In Law at your own place, or go out with her. She can hardly impose the Brother In Law into those arrangements made by you. So you will have to stop relying on the Mother In Law making the initial arrangements to see her son. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You make this tough when you don't give an example or 2.  I've noticed a lot of people who use the word "toxic" don't understand it.  People can be rude or boorish, which needs to be dealt with but that isn't toxic.   The other problem is you keep saying "my" children.  Are these from a prior marriage, or are you saying "our" children?   The answer on what to do depends a lot on this.

    All I can tell you is that if this is truly toxic, and your husband is picking these people over you and his immediate family, you have a husband problem, not an inlaw one.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Aside from your needing to look up the definition of "toxic" this is really your husband's battle to fight with his own brother. If he won't stand up for himself then this is a matter of your having chosen to marry someone who's easily manipulated by his family. 

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  • d j
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Your husband is the toxic one.

    You and your kids are being insulted because he lets you be.

    You go to uncomfortable family dinners because he makes you to.

    He never stood up for himself and he refuses to stand up for you.

    It's his job to protect the honour of his wife and kids.

    He's okay with HIM being insulted and he's okay with YOU being insulted.

    He's nicer to those who bully him. Their wish is his command.

    He's not nice to those who genuinely love and care for him.

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    It is really not difficult at all. You just do it. 

    We have had to do so ourselves. Tell MIL 

    that you would love to see her, but ONLY 

    her. Every time she tries to "make" you go 

    to family dinners with them, reminder her 

    of this. It's just that simple.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    just  dont be around them

  • T J
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Move away from all of them.  Keep staying away for now, and tell MIL to mind her own business.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Just dont talk to them anymore and you should tell them the problem and hopefuly they will fix it. I recently cut out everyone in my life except family, i just blocked everyones number and havent had any friends besides a girlfriend since like January 

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